The Shrek Chronicles: Shrek gets a Boner
by TheDespacitoSpider
Summary: After Shrek eats an onion with a mysterious side effect he consults Donkey to help him with his situation. The two then go a journey of love and discovery trying to save the universe from destruction. Along the way they discover that the universe as they once knew it has many secrets waiting to be revealed.
1. The Beginning of Something Shrektacular

Onions. Onions are extremely powerful items that are capable of causing the complete and utter destruction of the universe unless used properly. Shrek was one of the few capable of harnessing their power and not becoming completely overwhelmed by the sheer amount of energy that radiated from them. Throughout his years of existence he had used onions in order to benefit the world and all that lived within it. However, something happened one day that would change history forever. Everything started off as one might expect. He was eating onions and watching an early preview of Shrek 5 that he had been granted access to in order to review the movie and make it perfect.

Then he bit into an onion and something magical happened. He felt a disturbance in the force and his pants. He looked down and saw a massive bulge sticking out of his pants. Shrek knew what boners were yet was still trying to figure out what caused them. Usually he was able to figure out what had caused them but this time was different. The boner had appeared out of nowhere and was larger than usual. Suddenly he felt strange. The boner he had started to grow larger and larger. It burst out of his clothing and made a massive hole in his wall. That was not the end of it, the boner continued to grow larger. It eventually got so big that Shrek was struggling to keep his balance. Luckily due to his absolute strength he was able to stay on his feet.

His boner got so massive that by the time it stopped growing it spread across the entire universe and nearly managed to enter the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Shrek had a big problem and needed to find someone capable of helping him. "Donkey!" he shouted in an erotic accent. A beam of light appeared above him and Donkey came down in a satanic way.

Donkey landed just next to Shrek and analyzed the situation, "I think I know how we can solve your problem," Donkey said.

"How do we solve this malarkey?" Shrek asked in an angry tone.

Donkey blinked 57 times before answering Shrek, "We must climb onto your boner and find out what lies at the end. This happened to my uncle once," Donkey declared gayly. Shrek nodded and realized that Donkey had an IQ of 420 meaning he was far more educated. With his mind set he leaped up into the air doing a triple backflip and landed on his elongated schlong. Donkey merrily bit a chunk out of an onion that laid on the ground and teleported next to Shrek.

"Alright let us do this thing!" Shrek shouted happy to go on another adventure but still slightly nervous on what he would find. Donkey dabbed as they started to journey up the pathway to heaven. "So Donkey," Shrek began to say, "You ever seen a boner like this before?"

Donkey threw his right eyeball into Shrek's face and said, "Naw mate dis is da first time." Shrek masticated knowing that he achieved the world's longest boner and would be on PewNews or DramaAlert soon. The epic gang made their way up the boner for 2000 decades and eventually found a small house off to the side of the path. Shrek stared at the house for 2 days before deciding to check it out. Donkey had to attend a rubix cube club meeting and would be back in exactly 5 seconds so Shrek needed to hurry. He made his way into the house without knocking and found a small man dressed in gothic clothing.

"Hello there buddy chum pal friend buddy," the man said. The man was sitting on the side of a small table holding a gun in his hand. Shrek was aware of what was happening and sat down on the opposite end.

Shrek glared at the man as he said, "I see you are a moist man." The man only nodded without speaking a word. Shrek put up his hand and a lightsaber flew into it, "I think I can help you out with that." Shrek did a backflip out of the chair and landed a few feet away from the table. Out of nowhere a mysterious man crashed in from the rooftop holding a pineapple pizza in his hands. The mystery man was revealed to be none other than an alter ego Gordon Ramsay.

Evil Ramsay spoke with pure malice in his voice, "Stay away from the boy you disgusting ogre." Shrek said 'nein' and started to dual the chef. The gothic man in the back watched with complete horror knowing that Shrek could die. Shrek was using all of his power to defeat the evil that resided within the universe. Eventually Shrek managed to chop off Evil Ramsay's left ear and achieve victory; Evil Gordan Ramsays need their left ear to survive.

Shrek walked up the table and spoke with the man once more, "I did it. Now give me what I came for." The man nodded and pulled out a hot pocket from his pocket. Shrek took the delicious treat with pride and shoved it down his throat, "That good," he said.

Shrek was beginning to leave but was stopped when the man said, "Shrek wait!" Shrek turned around and faced the man once more. He could see that the man had stage 2 depression and needed help. The man let out a single tear and said, "What if I never see you again?" Shrek slowly approached the man and placed a hand on his shoulder.

With pure good in his voice he said, "No u." The man smiled upon hearing those very words as Shrek flew out of the window. He knew that Shrek would forever guide him in life and that from this very moment he would be safe. Shrek's journey was far from over however as he needed to reunite with Donkey. It turned out that Donkey had actually got caught up in a war between Minecraft and Roblox and had his rubix cube club meeting delayed so they were able to continue on their adventure.

Donkey looked up at Shrek as they walked along the boner, "Anything interesting happen so far?"

Shrek nodded, "I had to stop an Evil Gordon Ramsay from tormenting an emo man," he stated.

Donkey squinted as if he was just blinded by a flashbang in CS:GO but was not fully looking at it, "Did you ever manage to get the man's name?"

Shrek facepalmed -2 times and exclaimed, "How could I mess something like that up!" Donkey just shook his head not thinking much of it. How important could such a simple little detail like that really be? Little did they know just what was going to happen next would change their lives forever.


	2. A Spicy Situation

After Shrek defeated Evil Gordon Ramsay and Donkey got caught in a war between Minecraft and Roblox, the two needed a break from all of the chaos. They decided to stop at Tim Hortons and order some timbits. They sat down at a table within the restaurant and began to talk about their situation. "So Shrek," Donkey said, "What do you think we will find at the end of this adventure?"

Shrek smiled thinking about all of the possibilities of what they may find, "I am hoping that we find a way to delete Fortnite from this world forever."

Donkey nodded in agreement, "That would be pretty good in all honesty." Shrek was about to say something else but was stopped when an explosion occurred in the kitchen. Luckily no one was hurt but no one could seem to find a source. Shrek knew that something fishy going on and wanted to find out what had caused the destruction. He and Donkey entered the kitchen and found a strange message on the floor. Shrek picked it up and it read 'Itsa me." Shrek had no idea what it meant but was about to find out. They heard a voice from behind them and turned around to see Mario standing their with a Despacito look in his eyes.

Mario spoke in an evil tone, "I have finally found you." Shrek gapsed after remembering who Mario was and the history they had with each other. Long ago, Shrek and Mario used to travel the world together and defeat all sorts of evil creatures. They went from universe to universe and realm to realm trying to bring peace in all of reality. However, something happened that changed their relationship forever. It was dinner time and Mario was given the job of cooking spaghetti. He did just that and brought two plates of piping hot noodle goodness. But, when Shrek bit into the spaghetti he discovered that he had been bamboozled. It was not actually spaghetti but rather spaghettini. From that moment on they became rivals and avoided each other at all costs.

This time though, Mario was determined to end their rivalhood forever and take over Shrek and Mario's Spaghettiria as his own. Shrek pulled out an onion grenade from his pocket and yeeted it at Mario. Mario did a sideflip and narrowly avoided becoming layered. Donkey jumped into the air and slammed back onto the ground creating a shockwave that spread across the entire universe. Mario ate the shockwave and thus it had no effect. Shrek was starting to become paranoid of being unable to defeat his enemy. He needed to clear his mind and froze time so that he could take a break.

He made his way out of the Tim Hortons and onto a getaway cruise. He traveled around trying to figure out what the best option was and how he could overcome Mario. He thought of many different things including making a fake spaghetti and poisoning it as well as making him watch The Notebook 21 times in a row. None of the options seemed good enough to him though. Eventually the cruise ended and Shrek returned to the Tim Hortons. Everyone and everything was still frozen in place. Shrek unfroze time and the fight continued. After a while of both sides going nowhere Mario decided to attempt and reason with Shrek.

He pulled out the declaration of independence and held it out in front of him, "This fighting is getting us nowhere. How about we just forget this ever happened and go on with our lives?" Mario asked trying to trick Shrek. Shrek knew it was a trap and that the declaration of independence was really just article 13 in disguise. However Shrek was smart enough to know how to fool Mario.

"Alright," Shrek said. Mario gave him an innocent smile and Shrek pulled out a pen from his ear. He signed the paper and deposited the pen into Mario's right eyebrow. "There you go friend," he said knowing that Mario would soon be defeated.

Mario laughed evilly, "You fool! I have achieved victory and now you will be erased from existence!" he yelled in glee.

Shrek grinned, "Are you sure about that?" he asked. Mario's smile was instantly wiped away as he looked at the signature Shrek had given only to realize Shrek used the time stone to study his writing style for 2 years and figure out a way to forge his signature.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Mario screamed for 5 hours before fading away from existence. After that Mario had been sent to meme heaven where he was put on trial for attempting to destroy another meme.

"So guys we did it," Shrek and Donkey said at the exact same time. The two friends made their way out of the Tim Hortons and back onto Shrek's boner.

Donkey noticed that Shrek was looking sad and decided to find out why, "Are you alright Shrek?"

Shrek let out a sigh as he said, "I am fine. It's just that, Mario used to be such a good friend of mine and now I was forced to send him to meme heaven." Donkey placed his back onto Shrek's shoulder, comforting his friend without saying a word. Sometimes in life you don't need someone telling you that everything will be fine and life will be better. Sometimes all you need is someone else there to show that they care and will support you through their darkest times. The two friends journey was just beginning and they had no idea what was in store for them.


	3. Trouble in Minecraft I

Shrek and Donkey had been walking for several hours after defeating Mario in the battle. They had remained rather quiet as they were both caught up in their own minds. Shrek never thought that his relationship with Mario would end that way, but he had no control over what would happen in the universe. The gamers eventually made reached a strange portal made out of obsidian. Donkey vomited into Shrek's eyelid as he realized what he was staring at.

"Holy bagels!" Shrek yelled as the vomit melted his face off. Donkey gasped as he saw what he had done. Using his quick thinking and epic powers he raised Shrek off the ground and threw him into the portal. Before he could follow Shrek a tiny crab jumped out of the portal and started to fight Donkey. Donkey managed to defeat the crab and made his way into the portal. When he came out on the other side he was greeted by none other than Pewdiepie.

"Whatsapp gamer," Pewdiepie said.

Donkey studied Pewdiepies features very carefully. Something about the best YouTuber was off. Donkey then came to the realization that the Pewdiepie that stood in front of him was actually a fake one created 2 billion years in the future that was sent back in time to trick the world into thinking it was the real Pewdiepie so that T-Series could take over the world once and for all! Donkey started to morph into Mr. Krabs in order to defeat Evil Pewdiepie. Using the power of his claws he managed to chop Evil Pewdiepie into a square and then finished him by reading him a bedtime story.

Now due to that situation being out of the way Donkey could attempt to find help for Shrek. Once he had entered the portal he was brought into the nether realm which was a part of the Minecraft universe. Donkey lifted Shrek into the air once more and flew across the realm until he reached a nether castle. Within it he met a strange wizard and a man with pure-white eyes. Donkey asked the men in an erotic way, "Can you help my friend?"

The old wizard was revealed to be Gandalf while the white-eyed man was named Herobrine. They both spoke at the exact same time, "Do you know the difference between Shrek and Shrek?" Donkey knew that you could never trust anyone in the nether realm and that the question was most likely a trap.

"The difference between Shrek and Shrek is your mama," Donkey answered. Gandalf gasped and faded away from existence. However, to Donkey's dismay, Herobrine remained unaffected.

Herobrine chuckled, "I have a few secrets up my sleeve," he said, revealing a Uno Reverse Card in his sleeve.

Donkey screamed, "No! You were meant to save the universe not destroy it!" Herobrine only laughed even more at Donkey's screams. Donkey faded away from existence once and for all. Herobrine smiled knowing that he had won.

A voice from behind him caused him to turn around, "It's not ogre yet," it said. Herobrine's eyes went wide when he saw Shrek fully healed and standing in front of him.

"How did-"

Shrek stopped him from asking any more questions, "Ogres are like onions. They are gods," he said pulling out an onion from his nipple. Herobrine summoned a semi-automatic rifle to him and started to fire at Shrek. Shrek held out the onion in front of him and it absorbed all of the bullets like they were fresh McDonalds french fries sitting in front of starved giraffe.

"What do you want from me?" Herobrine asked in a panic. Shrek smiled at prepared his final attack. "Please I will give you anything! Onions, woman, pineapples! Just let me live!" Herobrine pleaded. Shrek ignored him and continued charging up his attack.

The Ogre gave Herobrine one last remark, "I don't negotiate with pixel people." Herobrine's face went blank as Shrek aimed his fully charged Onion Blast at him.

But then, Herobrine smirked saying only one word, "Uno." Shrek's eyes went wide as an epic explosion propelled halfway across the realm. He landed in a lava hot tub where he promptly escaped from the nether into the world of Minecraft.

Shrek looked down at the ground in defeated fearing that he may have just lost Donkey forever. He was stranded in a massive forest and had no idea where to go next. A beam of light in the sky caught his attention rather quickly. It appeared right in front of him and out from it stepped a muscular individual with red marks on his pale skin. "Who are you?" Shrek asked afraid that the man might attempt to hurt him.

"Do not fear," the man began to say, "I am a friendly individual from a land called Sparta. I am here to save Minecraft from destruction." Shrek understood who he was now. A Spartan by the name of Kratos.

Shrek nodded, "I have heard about you before while reading a book about hottest men alive." Kratos blushed as he understood just how manly he truly was. Shrek needed to know what was happening, "Why do we need to save Minecraft?" he asked.

Kratos spun around in the air and landed 5 hours later as he said, "For years now Roblox and Minecraft have been battling. Neither side has managed to outdo each other and I was sent to put an end to it. I believe that with our combined power we will be able to prove Minecraft worthy once and for all!" he shouted causing the world to shrink by 0.00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001% of its size.

Shrek placed his hand on the Spartans right nipple, "Let us go save this place once and for all!" he yelled in glee. Kratos lifted Shrek into the air and placed him on his shoulders. The two started to run towards the battlefield in a desperate last attempt to save Minecraft from destruction.


	4. A Horrific Discovery

Kratos carried Shrek on his shoulders without any problem. His absolute strength allowed for him to carry entire cities without any struggle whatsoever. He was the strongest being in the entire universe. Many of his followers ended up accepting that they would never be able to obtain the same strength as Kratos and decided to take up bowling as a hobby rather than trying to get swole. None of that mattered at this very moment as Shrek and Kratos both had to worry about saving Minecraft from complete destruction.

"Kratos," Shrek began to say, "What happens if we fail to save Minecraft?" he asked worried that failure may be in their future.

Kratos slammed Shrek into the ground and ripped out his spine as he said, "Be quiet boy, we will save the day no matter what." Shrek understood that Kratos had transformed into the Dad of War and his personality was different than usual. Shrek had to get a spinal replacement before he rejoined Kratos in Minecraft. The two dads eventually reached a massive battlefield where Robloxers and Minecrafters were going head-to-head. Shrek leaped 500 million feet into the air before crashing back down on the ground sending a shockwave that spanned as wide as space itself.

"Alright Kratos," Shrek said preparing his war cry, "For Narnia!" he shouted. Kratos had just finished watering his garden as he stormed the battlefield with Shrek by his side. A mass of Robloxers charged at the two, but were quickly dealt with when Shrek licked Kratos on the back. Suddenly, one of the Robloxers started to do a ritualistic chant that summoned a giant Spongebob robot.

Shrek's eyes widened as he asked, "What are we going to do now Kratos?" Shrek waited for a response but got nothing. He turned around to see that Kratos was laying on the ground with a spear lodged in his chest. The ogre quickly ran up to the injured man and attempted to revive him.

As Shrek tried to cover the hole and stop the bleeding Kratos said, "Forget me, save Minecraft." Shrek's eyes began to water and a single tear landed on Kratos. The Spartan was suddenly teleported into a massive castle where a sexy man sat upon a throne.

The man spoke with a thunderous voice, "What do you need?" It took a moment for Kratos to figure out who the man was, but he eventually realized that it was none other than Pewdiepie himself.

Kratos fell onto his knees and pleaded with the best youtuber, "Minecraft is in danger and we need your help." Pewdiepie stood up and walked over to the Spartan, placing his palm on the forehead of the swole man.

Pewdiepie lowered his head down to the Spartan's ear and said, "Who is this 'we' you speak of?"

Kratos then did a backflip and exclaimed, "Shrek!" Pewdiepie fainted and died before Kratos was teleported back into Minecraft where Shrek was still tending to his wounds.

"Kratos… You are alive!" Shrek shouted in glee. There was then a bright burst of light that occured in the sky. A portal opened up and down from it came Pewdiepie holding a massive croissant.

Pewdiepie stroked the croissant as he yelled, "Begone thots!" Out from the tip of the croissant came a giant Luigi that started to attack the giant Spongebob. The giants clashed with each other trying to achieve victory as the fight continued below.

"Now what?" Shrek asked.

"Now," Pewdipie began to say, "We must destroy the source." Shrek looked up into the air and saw who was commanding the Robloxian army. It was none other than Herobrine. Shrek angrily grabbed Pewdiepie and ripped him in half. Kratos ran up to the ogre and began to massage his back. Shrek then began to fly into the air as wings emerged out from his back.

"Herobrine!" The ogre shouted in anger. Herobrine turned to face the ogre and a devilish smile came across him. The blockman pulled a diamond sword from his pancreas and started to attack Shrek. Shrek dodged the incoming swings and grabbed Herobrine's left eye socket. The two were teleported into a local Wendy's where they continued to fight. Herobrine swung his sword at the ogre but accidentally hit one of the employees. He was then arrested for assault and sentenced to jail for 69 years. Shrek had achieved victory and was happy. He was promptly teleported back into Minecraft where Kratos was waiting for him.

Shrek smiled seeing the familiar face of his friend, "We did it." Kratos hugged Shrek and grabbed the ogre's thigh. Shrek found this action quite strange but thought nothing more of it.

Then he heard a whisper in his ear, "Donkey is gone." Shrek's eyes went wide as the entire world around him began to fade. He then found himself awoken with a hospital room where Kratos and Pewdiepie were waiting. Shrek was completely bewildered and needed answers to what he had just experienced.

"Shrek," Pewdiepie said in a soft voice, "You have been in a coma ever since Donkey burned your face off. When Donkey tried to defeat Herobrine, he got erased from the universe by a uno reverse card. With no one capable of stopping Herobrine, Minecraft was destroyed and Roblox now rules over everything." Shrek could not believe a single word that he had heard. Everything that he thought of the world was a lie. Not only that, but Donkey was gone from his life forever.

The only thing that Shrek could think to ask was, "Where am I?"

Kratos took a step closer to him looking down on the floor as he thought about all of his fallen allies, "We are in the one place that is safe from the hands of Herobrine. Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry." Out from the corner of the room stepped a man wearing no clothes and holding a wand in his hand, Harry Potter.


	5. Cabin in the Woods

**Hello everyone. I have returned to bring you the continuation of this moist story. Do not threat, it is not over. There are many more chapters to come and many more characters to meet. We will explore Shrek and how he copes with his depression in this chapter while also meeting a familiar face. **

* * *

Ever since Shrek had awoke from his coma, life had been a living hell. All of his previous allies had fallen victim to the wrath of the Roblox gamers. They had taken everything from him. His life, his family, his friends, all of it down the drain in an instant. His greatest regret was not being there to do anything. If only he had not let Donkey vomit on his face, then he may have had a chance to defeat Herobrine. Now all that he had left was depression. It had started a few days after the awakening. It consumed him like a starved giraffe finding the last pickle on earth. Many tears had fallen from the ogre ever since The Great Defeat.

That was how everyone remembered losing the battle to Roblox. The Great Defeat was named that way because everyone figured there would never be a defeat greater than it. Never before had they lost so many lives. The only allies that Shrek knew were safe was Kratos, Harry Potter and Pewdiepie. Other then that, there was nothing. Shrek's depression certainly did not help him handle the grief. All it ever brought was sadness. The sadness that plagued his mind made his left hand inflate every now and then, a rare side effect discovered back in the second century.

Shrek was certainly sitting on one of the bridges that was situated within Hogwarts. He was staring over the edge remembering his fallen allies. A single tear emerged from his eye and fell into the abyss below. He took a deep sigh backed away from the ledge, uncertain of what to do with his existence anymore. Suddenly, he heard a voice calling to him from beside him. He turned around and saw nothing but a dark, empty forest. Shrek squinted to see if he could make anything out. In the corner of his eye he could see a gothic looking man holding something within his hand while hiding behind a tree.

The man seemed familiar. Shrek could not quite put his eyebrow on it, but he knew that he had seen the man somewhere. The man ran back into the forest and Shrek followed, not understanding what was so enticing about the man. Eventually Shrek came across a small cabin in the woods. Shrek was aware of what stranger danger was, therefore he was hesitant to enter the house. Through a small window on the side of the house, he could see the same man peeking through it. He swallowed his worries and made his way into the home. When he entered the first he noticed was the many pictures of ponies on the wall.

"After all of these years I finally figured out where you were hiding," The man said unprompted.

Shrek took his attention away from the pictures of ponies and looked at the man, "Who are you if I may ask?"

The man's facial expression shifted to a frown, "You don't remember?" Shrek stared straight into the man's face and licked it. Suddenly all of the memories came flooding back. It turned out the man was none other than the same gothic man he had saved from the Evil Gordon Ramsay.

Shrek gasped, "You are The Moist Man!" he shouted while doing a triple backflip.

The Moist Man smiled, "You remember!" The two gamers hugged each other and began to sing an old nordic song. The Moist Man poured two cups of beer for him and Shrek as they started to dance around epicly. After they finished they laid back on a couch and started telling each other their life stories. Shrek told The Moist Man everything that he could remember. His memory had not been so swell after he woke up not feeling so well. The Moist Man felt bad yet refused to be sad. After all, Shrek was known to be quite a chad which in a strange way made The Moist Man mad.

After Shrek finished it was The Moist Man's turn to tell him everything. "It all started back when I had first discovered moisture. I saw great power within it that no one else could see and knew that I had to utilize it. Eventually I created my greatest creation yet, The Moist Meter." Shrek's eyes went wide as he recognized that name like how you sometimes smell something that reminds you of your childhood and makes you begin to reminisce through all of the memories of a better life that you can never get back.

"Wait a minute," Shrek said while beginning to laugh slightly, "Who are you?"

"My name is Penguinz0, but real epics call me Cr1TiKaL." Shrek's mouth expanded so much that he absorbed the entire galaxy within it.

He did a sumo jump out of Cr1TiKaL's lap, which he was previously sitting on, and landed on his right eye, "I used to watch all of your videos!" he exclaimed.

Cr1TiKaL laughed, "Then how did you not recognize me you idiot?"

Shrek slapped Cr1TiKaL across the face, "Wow you call me an idiot when you are as small as an oversized midget."

Cr1TiKaL pulled out a nuclear rocket launcher, "I think you better take that back."

Shrek XDed super hard as he retrieved the power stone from his pinkie toe, "Think again boomer." Cr1TiKaL fired the rocket at Shrek, who quickly transformed into melted soap capable of withstanding nuclear rocket blasts. "You think you can defeat me? This isn't even my final form!" Shrek yelled so loud that it even surpassed Krakatoa.

Cr1TiKaL pulled out a mini John Carpenter plushie from his ear, "If you don't take back what you said, I am going to kill this plushie which will kill John Carpenter because it is a voodoo doll." Shrek was absolutely flabbergasted. Never before had he seen such wit emanate from such a small being.

Shrek placed one knee on the ground, "Alright, I am sorry." Cr1TiKaL smiled believing he managed to best the ogre. Little did he know that Shrek actually used a voice recording, hence he technically did not say it. Cr1TiKaL noticed the audio player in Shrek's pocket. He gasped and pulled out a revolver.

In the most angry tone Shrek had ever heard Cr1TiKaL said, "Take. It. Back. Now." Before anything else could be done the two frenemies heard a knock at the door. Suddenly, it opened to reveal the real Gordon Ramsay holding a machete with eyes glowing red.


	6. Journey to the Underworld

"Holy Mexico!" Shrek screamed as Gordon Ramsay burst into Cr1TiKaL's house. Malice dripped from his eyes as his hands shook fiercely.

Cr1TiKaL dabbed in order to keep his sanity from imploding, "What are you doing in my swamp?" he asked.

Gordon pulled a Westboro Baptist Church Member out from his pocket and placed it next to him, "I know what you did last Summer."

Shrek suddenly had a Vietnam-like flashback of when he battled the Evil Gordon Ramsay, "Are you talking about what I think you are talking about?"

Gordon nodded, "That is exactly what I am talking about." Suddenly, the Westboro Baptist Church Member charged Cr1TiKaL. Fortunately he was able to phase in and out of reality at will and avoided certain death. Shrek summoned Mjölnir to his hand and equipped his battle armor. He swung at Gordon who yeeted out of the way.

As Cr1TiKaL was fighting he said, "Touch my Subway sandwich you Trumpster!" Cr1TiKaL slapped Baptist man across the face; the impact impacted Baptist man's face so hard that he hit the ground with a velocity of 1000 m/s at an angle of 69 degrees. Spongebob appeared and calculated the acceleration of the fall before disappearing. The ground cracked underneath his head and caused the world to split in half. Shrek, Gordon, Cr1TiKaL, and all fell into the shattered crust of the earth.

Gordon screamed into Shrek's right ear, "What have you done you idiots!" Shrek punched Gordon across the face and slammed him into the wall. Gordon's face was practically torn off as they eventually reached terminal velocity. Gordon kicked the wall and managed to escape from Shrek's grasp. Cr1TiKaL grabbed Baptist man's pinkie toe and spun him around in a circle. Before anything else could happen the four memesters crashed into the fiery depths of Hell.

Gordon struggled to get off of his feet, "Where are we?" he asked as he was braindead and did not understand how Hell worked.

Cr1TiKaL slapped his cheeks and shouted, "We are in hell you stupid idiots!" Shrek grabbed Baptist man and ate him in one bite. Baptist man was sadly no more. Shrek, Cr1TiKaL and Gordon all shed a tear for their fallen comrade. As they were in Hell, Satan saw everything that had happened. He allowed for them to hold a funeral and invite all of their friends and family. Gordon invited , Joseph Stalin, Donald Trump, and of course Sharkboy. Cr1TiKaL invited Connor from Detroit Become Human, Flowey the flower, and his moist meter. Shrek invited a whole load of people, but no one came because most of them were dead. He had forgotten that the world had basically died.

After the funeral was held and everyone said what they needed to say, the battle continued. Shrek and Cr1TiKaL had the advantage now since Gordon had no allies. However, it turned out that Joseph Stalin had stuck around and joined Gordon in combat. "Get rekt noobs," Stalin said.

"What in the actual son of Satan is Joseph Stalin doing here? I thought that he was dead," Cr1TiKaL ejaculated menacingly.

Gordon facepalmed so hard that he broke his spinal cord and needed surgery, "This is Hell you donkey." The second that the word 'Donkey' entered into Shrek's enlarged mind he remembered what he was fighting for. If Shrek were to die in Hell and be sent into Hell which would not make much sense since he is technically already in Hell, which means that he is already dead, right? I mean if Joseph Stalin is dead and in Hell and functioning the exact same way as Shrek, Cr1TiKaL, and Gordon, then is there any difference between being dead and alive? Anyway back to this amazing story.

Shrek knew that he had to keep fighting for the cause. He needed to defeat all of the malice that resided within the earth in order to defeat Herobrine and Roblox once and for all. Shrek looked down at a stray cat passing by and summoned all the strength that he had within him. He expanded 5x his regular size and crushed Gordon using nothing but a strand of his masculinity. Joseph Stalin ended his own existence and was sent to Hell for his sins.

Cr1TiKaL placed his hand firmly on Shrek's girth, "You did it, you saved the world."

From behind them the most menacing voice that had ever been produced was heard, "I don't think that is the case." They turned around and saw Satan floating in the air with a bunch of demons and feminists below him.

"Mein gott…" Shrek whispered as he lost all of his confidence and shrunk down to his regular size.

Cr1TiKaL slapped his stomach on Shrek's left thigh, "I knew Satan was the devil!"

Satan laughed as if he was just bullied at the school playground but trying to laugh it off and hide his crippling depression, "Yall about to get clapped." Satan waved his arm in the air then pointed it down at Shrek and Cr1TiKaL. All of the demons and feminists started to charge at the two. Cr1TiKaL screamed like a little girl who just stubbed her toe and dropped her ice cream. Shrek inhaled Cr1TiKaL into his nostrils and started to flee. They ran and ran until they hit a tree. Suddenly and unexpectedly, they heard a harmony.

Cr1TiKaL, exiting out of Shrek's greasy nose, spoke in a Candian accent, "What is that noise eh?"

Shrek coughed from all the smoke that radiated from the blazing inferno, "Sounds like dank beats to me." Out from the smoke walked a large blob of mass.

It looked like a large blob of playdough, "I am the Globglogabgalab," it exclaimed sexily. Both Shrek and Cr1TiKaL became sodden. They started to rub their ears together as the Globglogabgalab sang an epic song. Eventually all of Hell was dancing to the epic beats that Globglogabgalab spat out. Shrek and Cr1TiKaL were doing a wedding dance with each other while the demons were freestyling.

Cr1TiKaL chuckled, "I guess Hell is not so bad after all."

Shrek smirked, "Neither are you." He stared directly into Cr1TiKaL's eyes and started to move closer. Cr1TiKaL followed, not understanding why he suddenly became so infatuated with Shrek.

Just before the two could get any closer, Globglogabgalab shouted, "Get out of my house you bloody wankers!" The ground below them began to crack and open into the deepest pits of hell.

"Holy macaroni!" Shrek shouted as he grabbed Cr1TiKaL and threw him in the air with such power that he managed to escape the underworld. Poor old Shrek was still trapped and searching for a way to escape. Just as he was about to do a super jump, Globglogabgalab grabbed his nipple.

The Globglogabgalab stared right into Shrek's soul and said, "You are not the father." Shrek breathed his final breath as he fell into the eternal abyss below.


	7. Putting Together a Memeteam

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Cr1TiKaL shouted for 5 decades as he watched Shrek disappear into the void. Somehow he was able to see all the way down into hell from the overworld. A single tear crawled out of his eyes and leaped into the abyss below. The crack in the earth sealed itself and blocked Cr1TiKaL from ever entering hell again. Cr1TiKaL suddenly became extremely depressed as he lost the one thing that gave him hope. Without Shrek he saw no way that the world would ever be able to defeat Roblox. Cr1TiKaL curled up into a little ball and started to cry like a little baby. He lied there for 3.14159265358979 seconds before he heard a voice behind him.

"Stand up child." Cr1TiKaL could not put his lip on what the sound reminded him of. A slight buzzing sound started to radiate within his ears. He looked up and saw a small bee flying above him.

"Holy clucking slits!" Cr1TiKaL yelled realizing who he was staring at. It was Barry B. Benson wearing a sexy bee shirt.

"Hey there little boy, would you like some candy?" Barry asked. Cr1TiKaL smiled with joy as he hugged Barry so hard that he accidentally squished Barry.

Cr1TiKaL groaned and said, "I am such an idiot!" as he fell onto the cool grass below. Another voice was heard from behind him.

"Get the hell up, we got walkers coming this way," it said. Cr1TiKaL quickly got on his feet and turned around. Standing before him tall and proud was none-other than Rick Grimes himself. Rick Grimes looked like he was in a hurry, "We gotta get walking, this place is about to become overrun by walkers."

Cr1TiKaL was confused, "What the actual Minecraft are you speaking of?"

Rick Grimes slapped Cr1TiKaL across the face, "We are in the middle of the god damn apocalypse you dumbread." Cr1TiKaL suddenly had an epiphany. The zombie apocalypse had actually broke out around a year after Minecraft's defeat. It was such an important detail that he failed to tell Shrek. Actually everyone had failed to tell Shrek that since they were all safe within Hogwarts.

Cr1TiKaL pulled an AK47 from his pocket, "Let's kill us some zombies."

Rick Grimes pulled out a machete from his nostrils, "I don't know what you are talking about, but I think you are talking about walkers. Now let's stop talking and get to clocking these basbirds in da face." Suddenly, Immortals from Fall Out Boy started to play. The two gamers approached the incoming zombie horde as the epic beat was playing. Rick Grimes did a ninja spin in the air as he slashed away the walkers heads like a 1000 degree knife slicing through a soap bar. Cr1TiKaL shot the walkers heads away as he ate a Snickers bar. Despite the overwhelming amount of undead maggot sacks, the absolute epicness of the song combined with the pure masculinity dripping from both Cr1TiKaL and Rick Grimes allowed from them to kill each and every walker within a nanosecond.

Cr1TiKaL yeeted out a victory shout, "We did it!" Unfortunately since Cr1TiKaL's brain was smaller than a pebble he forgot that walkers were attracted to sound and masculinity.

Rick Grimes slapped Cr1TiKaL once more, "How idiotic are you? We are going to be surrounded now." Just as he said that Immortals stopped playing, "God dammit. It looks like only one of us is getting out of here."

Cr1TiKaL took off his shirt, "What do you mean?" Rick Grimes gave no response as he grabbed Cr1TiKaL's nipples and twisted them. Cr1TiKaL's vision became blurred as he was transported into the middle of a post-apocalyptic London. The streets were deserted and buildings were destroyed. All signs of humanity were gone. It took Cr1TiKaL exactly 0 seconds to figure out where he was. He was on a small little street titled "101 Dalmatian Street." In the distance he saw a small apartment with lights coming from it; it was night time now by the way. The street was barricaded on both sides and the groans of walkers could be heard from behind the walls. The walkers had indeed taken over a majority of the world.

In the distance he saw a small doggo walk into the apartment. "Hello?" Cr1TiKaL whispered trying to get the doggos attention. Clearly Cr1TiKaL had no use in life as the doggo paid no attention to him. Or maybe he just did not speak loud enough. Suddenly a nuclear bomb went off exactly 2 feet from where Cr1TiKaL was standing. Cr1TiKaL screamed like a little girl, "Oh my god someone help me please!" he begged like a stupid carrot. He felt something grab him and started to pull him upwards. He lifted his head and saw a giant sponge creature standing in front of him.

It screamed right into his face, "We gotta get moving right now you bloody wanker!" Cr1TiKaL obeyed and started to run from the incoming nuclear blast. He and the sponge made their way into the same apartment that he saw the doggo go into 69 seconds earlier. The sponge slapped Cr1TiKaL across the face, "What were you doing out on the streets like that you dumb potato!"

Cr1TiKaL burst out into tears, "I lost Shrek to the depths of hell and now I have sadness!" The sponge stared and the moist man kneeling down in front of him.

He was silent for a moment before speaking, "Did you just say Shrek?"

Cr1TiKaL slit the sponges throat, "Are you ducking deaf? Of course I did!" he screamed like chipmunk.

The sponge slapped Cr1TiKaL once more, "Get yourself together soldier, we need to focus." Suddenly they teleported into a different room within the apartment (The sponge could teleport at will). Cr1TiKaL was flabbergasted and what he was seeing. A bunch of Dalmatians were sitting around him and staring at him with awe.

Cr1TiKaL gulped, "Is this a nightmare?"

The sponge laughed, "No dipslit, we are here to help you." The sponge looked at all the Dalmatians around him, "Listen up puppers, today is a great day. For we have found one of the original memesters, Cr1TiKaL aka The Moist Man."

All of the pups gasped and then started to chant, "Pray to The Moist Man, for he has returned. Once forgotten by earth, returned with his girth. Now he his here, we pray in his name, The Moist Man is here, he will save the day." They all bowed down in front of Cr1TiKaL, who ended his life because he felt like it. The sponge revived him and slapped him across the face (The sponge could revive people at will.)

The sponge kneeled before Cr1TiKaL, "My name is Spongebob Squarepants. Harry Potter sent me on a mission to find the 7 Memesters of the Universe, but I failed and gave up long ago. But now, one of the seven is standing here. Now I have finally gotten my sense of hope back. Legend says that once the 7 Memesters regroup, they will defeat Herobrine once and for all. If Shrek is out there in Hell somewhere, we will help you find him. He is yet another one of the 7 Memesters. However, getting to him will not be easy. First we need to find someone that can help us get into and out of Hell with ease. If the legend is true, he is another of the 7 Memesters." Spongebob stood up and pulled down a chart from the ceiling. He pointed to a picture of a man that was printed on the chart, "Gather your gear pups, we are going to the Moon, the last known location of Keanu Reeves."


	8. A Light in the Dark

Cr1TiKaL inhaled a chimpanzee into his nostrils. He was mentally preparing himself for the journey to the moon that awaited him. Spongebob was practicing his slapping techniques in case he ever needed to slap someone. For the mission Spongebob had picked five Dalmatians to aid him and Cr1TiKaL. He chose Deepak, Da Vinci, Dylan, Dolly and Dallas. All of them were putting on spacesuits and equipping Rayguns for the dangerous mission ahead. Much like the world they currently inhabited, the moon was overrun with walkers. As such, they needed weapons to defend themselves.

Spongebob walked up to Cr1TiKaL and slapped his thigh, "Ready to rumble gamer?" Cr1TiKaL ripped out Spongebob's intestines and ate them. Spongebob screamed out in pain but embraced it as he knew Cr1TiKaL was just testing his strength. After that happened the two gamers along with the Dabmatians walked the Rocket Launch Bay. Sitting in the middle of the room was a long, stiff and throbbing red rocket, ready to burst out of the building at any moment. Cr1TiKaL instantly ran up into and started to lick the engine on the bottom. Spongebob was forced to kill Cr1TiKaL and revive him in order to stop his licking ways.

All of the gaymers boarded the rocket epicly. Spongebob ate a burrito as he said, "Are you ready kids?"

Cr1TiKaL and the Dabmatians dabbed gayly, "Aye aye Captain!" they screamed.

Spongebob pulled out an Uzi, "I can't hear you!" he said pointing the gun into the doggos faces.

Cr1TiKaL and the Dabmatians inhaled erotically, "AYE AYE CAPTAIN!" they screamed so loud that Spongebob died instantly and had to fight his way out of Hell (All sponges went to hell, Spongebob is not evil). When he returned the rocket accelerated off the ground with a velocity of 2000 m/s upwards. The distance between the launch pad and the moon is 420000 meters. If there is an acceleration of 69 m/s^2, how long will it take the rocket to reach the moon? Unfortunately Spongebob could not properly calculate as they hit an asteroid and suddenly were propelled into the moon with a velocity of 10000000000000000 m/s. The ship impacted the ground so hard that all of the occupants were sent flying around the moon. Everyone ended up landing on different parts of the moon.

Cr1TiKaL had been knocked out by the impact and awoke around 2 duodecillion years later. Luckily time works differently on the moon so he really was only asleep for 0.1 seconds. He was laying on some sort of moonbase that he had never seen before. Actually, he was inside of some sort of moonbase. There was no hole in the roof above him and he was not dying from lack of oxygen. Since Cr1TiKaL was an actual moron he thought that sometime in his slumber he gained godlike powers, but he would soon find out that was not the case. Standing near him was an extremely sexy man filled with pure masculinity. The amount of moisture emanating from him was unlike anything Cr1TiKaL had ever seen.

The man turned around and quickly ran up to Cr1TiKaL and kissed him gently on the nipple. Cr1TiKaL felt an overload in moisture and regained his strength. When Cr1TiKaL stood up and got a good look at the man's face he instantly realized who it was. It was none-other than Keanu Reeves, one of the 7 Memesters. Cr1TiKaL smiled as he stared at the beautiful specimen standing in front of him. Keanu Reeves thrusted his left leg into the air and shoved it into Cr1TiKaL's mouth. Keanu then threw Cr1TiKaL into the air and ate him before helping him off of the ground.

Keanu looked straight into Cr1TiKaL's eyes, "Wake up penguin noodle, we have a world to burn."

Cr1TiKaL gasped, "But , I thought we were going to save the world!"

Keanu slapped Cr1TiKaL so hard that he cried like a little chipmunk that was on fire while being eaten, "We are going to save the world, but first you must learn the painful truth. Everyone else died after the rocket ship crashed."

Cr1TiKaL screamed, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" for 20 years before finally embracing the truth. The pain had overtaken him. Everything that he dreamed for in life was now nothing but a faint pineapple, roasting on an open fire. His hopes became tartar sauce that had gone bad from sitting out too long. Keanu grabbed Cr1TiKaL by the chest and swallowed him in one gulp. Then, he flew up into the vast and empty space and propelled himself back to earth using nothing but masculinity and moisture. When they finally arrived on earth they found themselves landing directly at Hogwarts where everyone was waiting. Kratos came and hugged Cr1TiKaL harder than a child gets beat by abusive parents after coming home from a bad day of work.

Kratos shed a tear of joy, "Cr1TiKaL, it is good to see you my friend," he said while eating a marshmallow.

Cr1TiKaL cried tears of sadness, "Shrek is gone!" he screamed like a little baby.

Kratos gasped, "What… what do you mean he is gone?"

"He fell into the Abyss of Hell!" Kratos suddenly had a vietnam-like flashback. 69 years ago, Kratos had fallen into the Abyss of Hell himself. It took him exactly 420 seconds to escape, and it changed him forever.

Kratos puffed up his chest, "We shall go rescue him then."

Cr1TiKaL shook his head, "I was told we had to go find the 7 original memesters!"

Kratos gasped again, "The 7 memesters…" Suddenly he looked at him in the sky, "Well if that is so, then we shall do it. I see you have already found Keanu Reeves." Keanu dabbed at the mention of his name before reversing time in order to keep his total dabs at 0. "Since we already have Keanu, we now need to find…" Kratos reflected for a moment, trying to remember all of the members names. "That means we must rescue Shrek, which will be difficult with our current battalion. We need to find someone who knows how to get into hell with ease. We need to find Rick Grimes."

Cr1TiKaL looked up at Kratos, "Rick Grimes? I was with him not long ago. He and I were in the forest together!"

Kratos grabbed Cr1TiKaL by the neck and choked him to death, "Then we shall go and find him right away."


	9. Quest for The Grime

"Alright nerds," Kratos stated gayly while presenting to a group of 96 people, "We got a little situation here that requires the manilest, the dankest and sexiest gamers on the market." Kratos pointed at an erect man sitting in the back, who happened to be wearing no clothes, "HARRY POTTER!" he shouted. "You are chosen for this quest. Along with," Kratos proceeded to point at 3 more people, "Cr1TiKaL, Pewdiepie, Keanu Reeves, and of course me."

One idiotic man raised his hand, "If you are only going to choose those 3, why did you invite the rest of us here?" Kratos forced choke the stupid man to death for questioning his methods.

After the man died, Kratos continued, "Now we will proceed on this epic quest to recover the 7 memesters. Our first target, Rick Grimes. Cr1TiKaL has pointed out that Rick Grimes was last seen fighting walkers in the forbidden forest. As such, we are heading there first. Rick Grimes will help us recover Shrek from the underworld. After that, we will decide where to head next. This meeting is now over." Suddenly, Kratos spinned into the air teleporting him along with the 4 other chosen goons right into the middle of the forbidden forest.

They proceeded to walk around looking for Rick. Cr1TiKaL and Harry started to strike up a conversation, "So Harry, what do you know about Rick Grimes?"

Harry pulled out his wand and ate it, "I heard that back in the day he was called The Grime, a master gunslinger known for killing 694201337 walkers within a second."

"Impressive," Cr1TiKaL said, a little bit jealous of Rick's masculinity.

Harry fondled his nipples, "Indeed it is."

Kratos stopped the gang, "I hear walkers coming this way, prepare yourself." Kratos was correct, out from the darkness of the inner forest came a mass horde of walkers. There had to be at least 690000000000 walkers coming towards them.

Cr1TiKaL screamed, "Holy breadsticks!"

Harry Potter smiled, "Do not worry idiots, I brought some weapons to help us out." Out from his eye socket he pulled 5 rayguns each with zero bullets in them. He threw them into the air and each of the gang members managed to catch 1 in their hand.

Keanu Reeves and Pewdiepie did some cooperation ninjutsu and became one extremely masculine being. Harry Potter nearly died from being so close to such a sexy being. Suddenly Pour Some Sugar On Me started playing all throughout the world. Keanudiepie (Kea-nu-die-pie) started to walk up to the walkers with a camera focused on it's rear. It sexily walked towards the crowd of walkers holding a penguin that had morphed into a sword. Keanudiepie started to slash away at the walkers flesh. Walkers were being split in half every second, guts were flying all around the place. Everyone watched in awe at the breathtaking scene. Keanudiepie splashed a bunch of guts on it's breasts in slow motion.

"HOLY CHEESEBALLS!" Harry Potter yelled nearly dying from an over exposure to moisture.

Kratos had to stop the party in order to prevent Harry Potter from becoming sodden. He grabbed Keanudiepie and squashed it into a little ball. He took it to a bowling alley and hit a strike first try and did an epic flip. After that Keanu Reeves and Pewdiepie became one with themselves once more. Fortunately they managed to take out all of the walkers during the montage and a nice pathway was cleared for the gang.

Cr1TiKaL smiled, "So guys we did it," he said happily.

Kratos nodded, "Now we must go and find Rick Grimes."

Everyone shouted, "Yeah!" at the same time and they began to frolic deeper into the forest. After 2 straight hours of frolicing they reached a massive river that spanned exactly 5 feet in diameter.

Pewdiepie slapped Cr1TiKaL, "We will never find a way past this!"

"Are you sure about that?" A mystery voice asked. Everyone looked around in confusion, trying to find the source of the voice. The voice laughed, "This is the river speaking you idiots."

Cr1TiKaL pulled out a tommy gun and started blasting the river, "DIE DEMON!" he shouted.

Kratos slapped him, "Calm down you overweight donkey, let the river speak."

Cr1TiKaL glared at Kratos like a child who was told that he had to go to bed after being fed to a herd of sheep on a farm, however he chose not to interfere, "Fine Kratos."

Kratos cleared his throat, "Now tell us river, what is it that you want?"

The river laughed, "Ur mom xd!"

Kratos screamed so loud that Pewdiepie and Harry Potter went deaf and died. He started to glow red and flames began to emanate from his pores. He went full spartan rage on the river and beat it so hard that the river cried and died like a munchkin eating a pumpkin pie. The river disappeared and the gang continued on their journey. Eventually they reached a massive crater that held a walker horde within it. In the center of the crater was a cage that was holding a man. The man was none-other than Rick Grimes.

"THERE HE IS!" shouted Harry Potter, jumping into the crater like a brain dead panda. He was instantly killed and no one was sad.

Kratos grabbed Keanu Reeves and looked at the gang with a smile, "I got an idea." Suddenly he leaped into the air and used Keanu Reeves as a surfboard going down into the crater. He plowed through the walkers like a snowplow and managed to get to Rick Grimes in exactly 8 years. Kratos broke the cage open with pure masculinity, "Rick Grimes, how are you doing my amigo?"

Rick Grimes spoke in a Rick Grimes accent, "How does it look like I am doing dammit? We got walkers in every inch of this forest. Ain't no way in Mexico we walking out of here alive."

Kratos smiled, "Are you sure about that?" he asked erotically. Suddenly a massive hole in the ground opened below them and swallowed the gang up. The hole had been designed to ignore walkers so they were all left on the surface. The hole was so deep it brought them all back into hell. Cr1TiKaL gulped nervous at what may await them. Kratos put a hand on his shoulder, "Fear not my child, for we are going to save Shrek right now." The gang walked up to a massive cliff that lead to The Abyss of Hell. "So where we dropping boyz?" Kratos asked, waiting for someone to make the first jump.


	10. Life of an Ogre

"What do you want when you are older Shrek?" a distant voice asked a tired looking Ogre.

Shrek looked down at the ground, "All I want is for the world to be happy," he said while reflecting on the destructive nature of humans. Those words echoed in his mind as he sat in the everlasting darkness. The pain of his own memory was too much for him. He longed so much for the past that he had forgotten about the present. Time was nothing to him anymore. It could have been years or seconds since he had fallen into the Abyss of Hell. Life was meaningless, he wasn't even living anyway.

The voices in his head persisted, "Shrek? Is there something that you want to tell me?" one of them asked. He closed his eyes trying to forget about everything. Everything that had once been could never be again. He needed to believe that if he was to get better, that is what he thought.

A name suddenly appeared in his mind, "Mario…" whispers of it taunted him.

"No…" Shrek said, "Mario will never be my friend again."

"Find him…" it said. The voice started to repeat that same line over and over again.

"I can't… He is in meme heaven. The only way to get there is if you die as a living meme. I am no longer a meme. I am nothing." The voices suddenly stopped as he saw something approaching him from the darkness. He rubbed his eyes in an attempt to see if he was dreaming. The figure was still present. It grew closer to him at every moment.

"Do not trust the man in the shadows…" a final voice whispered to him. Shrek stood up and began to back away. He no longer knew what to believe. He started to run away in the other direction. Suddenly memories came flooding back to him. He closed his eyes for a second before appearing in an old cottage that sat in the middle of a swamp. He spun around in circles as his mind became flooded with thoughts of a simpler life.

"Shrek," a voice said coldly. It came from directly behind him. He burst out of the cottage and was once again met by darkness. With not many options he continued to sprint through the darkness. One more blink brought him into a Tim Hortons.

Shrek gasped, "No… this can not be real."

"Shrek, I made some spaghetti for you." Shrek collapsed onto the floor, ready to give up and let the void consume him. He took what he believed to be his final breaths before hearing one last voice.

"I am not here to hurt you." Shrek opened his eyes and looked up. Standing before him was a small man wearing a Shrek t-shirt. The man looked strangely familiar to Shrek. The man spoke, "I am here to rescue you. It took me a while to find you down here."

"Cr1TiKaL?" Shrek said weakly.

The man shook his head, "My name is not Cr1TiKaL. I am Jacksfilms." Hope was suddenly restored in Shrek. His mind became bombarded with memories of him and Jacksfilms going on epic adventures together. Jacksfilms had done so much for him before Herobrine ruined everything.

"Jacksfilms, I thought that you had died," Shrek cried.

Jacksfilms gave him a gentle smile, "Do not threat, I am alive and well, along with several other people. We have a hideout that is safe from Herobrine and his goons. If you want I can take you there." Shrek nodded, not knowing what else to do. Jacksfilms smiled and helped the Ogre off of the ground. "So Shrek," Jacksfilms said, "What exactly happened to you?"

Shrek shook his head, "It is a story of great length, let us leave this cursed land and get to a place that is out of harm's way and free of any danger before I give you an answer that will satisfy your intrigue. Jacksfilms nodded as they began to wander through The Abyss. As they were walking Shrek noticed something strange. He swore that he could see someone in the distance watching him. In fact, it looked like there were several things watching him. He shook his head thinking that it was just his mind playing tricks on him.

Jacksfilms brought Shrek to a magical unicorn that was parked in a deserted parking lot. There were several littered throughout the Abyss of Hell. Jacksfilms helped Shrek onto the unicorn and two of them became to fly up.

"Do not worry, we will be out of here in no time," Jacksfilms said reassuringly. It took around 20 billions years (mentally) to finally leave The Abyss. They parked the unicorn at a lava spa that resided within hell. "Wait a second, I need to grab something from here." Shrek was confused as to what that had meant but he did not question it. Jacksfilms came out around 2 years later holding a piece of paper. "Alright Shrek," Jacksfilms said, "I just need you to sign here." Something about the situation felt strange. He swore he had encountered the same scenario some time ago. He trusted Jacksfilms more than anyone though, so he signed it without question.

Just kidding he did question it, "What was that for?" he asked.

Jacksfilms smiled, "Just to make sure you are the real Shrek. I have seen several imposters lately. Luckily this signature proves to me that you are indeed the one and only mighty ogre."

Shrek let out a sigh, "Well can we leave then?" he asked wanting to get out as quickly as possible.

Jacksfilms nodded, "Of course we can buddy." Suddenly Jacksfilms pulled out something for his pocket and pointed it at Shrek, "Just need to make sure you don't run away before we get there." Shrek felt a slight sting on his body before he began to grow drowsy.

"Jack…" Shrek said completely bewildered as to what had just happened. He fell off of the unicorn and landed on the hot smouldering floor below. He was completely unconscious.

Jacksfilms smiled evilly and pulled out a radio, "Team leader, I have successfully captured the ogre. I am bringing him back to base in order to commence The Trial of the Nword."


	11. Ogre Down

"WHERE IS HE!" Kratos shouted in anger.

"I swear I just saw him!" Harry Potter who was recently resurrected cried in anguish. Kratos grabbed Harry Potter and snapped his body in half. He took the two pieces of the Potter and served them to Keanu Reeves and Pewdiepie. They cried as they gobbled down their friend, but eventually they got over it.

"Does anyone have any way of tracking him?" Kratos asked in an erect voice.

"I do," a voice said from the darkness. Everyone turned and saw a figure standing in the shadows. It moved closer to reveal an old looking man, probably around 696969 years old, who spoke in a mexican accent, "It is I, Donald Trump."

Cr1TiKaL yelled out in masculinity, "YOU KILLED ADOLF HITLER DURING THE BATTLE OF 1420!" He charged towards Donald Trump but was stopped by Keanu Reeves, who put his erect finger in front of Cr1TiKaL.

"Calm down lad," Keanu said, "Sure Donald has made many mistakes in the past, but everyone will always have a chance to redeem themselves. Cr1TiKaL killed himself in anger. He had to suck up his emotions in order to hear what Donald had to say.

"My fellow Americans," Donald began to say, "I am honoured to announce that I have the current location of Shrek, he is being held captive in a secret military bunker that was overtaken by NWord Mongers."

Everyone gasped, "NWord Mongers," Pewdiepie whispered to himself. Suddenly he had a Vietnam-like flashback of when he was on the bridge. A single tear fell from his eye as he relived the horrors of that day.

Kratos pulled off his right nipple, "Very well. We must go to him at once."

"Wait!" shouted Cr1TiKaL like a complete idiot, "How are we going to get out of here? We jumped into the Abyss of Hell like complete retar-"

"SILENCE BOY" Kratos shouted in anger, "YOU MUST WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE IN THIS HOLY LAND."

Cr1TiKaL gulped, "Yes daddy."

Kratos smiled, "Goodboy," he said as he transformed into a spaceship. Everyone hopped in and they were suddenly flying at speeds close to the speed of light. Eventually they escaped the Abyss of Hell and made it back into the overworld. They landed in some kind of magical jungle. The signal that Donald Trump had given them led them there.

"Be careful," Trump informed, "There could be NWord Mongers in the trees." Everyone nodded and silently exited the ship. Kratos transformed back into his masculine state and fondled Keanu Reeves.

"Alright boys!" Harry Potter shouted in excitement, "LET'S DO THIS!"

Kratos shotgunned Harry Potter in the face, "Be quiet wingnut." Everyone fell silent as they approached the military bunker. Meanwhile, Shrek was being held captive within the base. He could not see anything as he had a mask on. Suddenly his eyes were filled with a bright light as the mask was removed. He sat face-to-face with Jacksfilms who was holding a picture of Obama.

Jacksfilms grabbed Shrek's right eyelid, "Say the NWord."

Shrek clenched his fists in anger, "You seriously think that you can make me say the NWord? You are truly pathetic Jack. I trusted you and looked at what you have become. Disgusting," Shrek said while shaking his head in disappointment.

Jacksfilms gave a slight chuckle, "What can I say Shrek, things change." He pulled out a picture of Cr1TiKaL from his pocket. Shrek gasped upon seeing it. "Say the NWord, and he will live to see another day," Jacksfilms demanded.

Shrek attempted to escape from his bonds, "Where is he!" he shouted in anger.

Jacksfilms laughed, "I have no clue, but what I do have is the power to find out and kill him." Jacksfilms looked Shrek dead in the eyes, "And if you refuse to say the NWord after that, I will find the rest of your friends. I will find everyone who you have ever loved, and kill them all. Now, say the NWord."

Shrek closed his eyes in defeat, he had no idea what to do. Never before had he been in a situation where he was forced to make such dire choices. Little did he know, as a matter of fact little did anyone in the room now, that they were being watched from an air vent. A faint buzzing sound could be heard from it. Jacksfilms took notice of it, he turned around and looked at one of his goons, "Figure out what is making that sound please, I want this NWord to be heard nice and clear."

"You will never win," Shrek stated.

"Win? You think I am trying to win anything? I, no, WE are on nobody's side. All we want is for the world to say the NWord. That world will start with you." Jacksfilms gave Shrek a devilish smile as he patted his shoulder. Jacksfilms turned back to his goon, who was still searching for the source of the sound, "FIGURE OUT WHERE IT IS COMING FROM!" he yelled in impatience.

"I am trying to sir," The goon responded. Suddenly a yellow creature burst through the air vent with an AK47.

"HOLY SHIH TZU!" Jacksfilms screamed.

The creature mowed down the goon and pointed the gun at Jacksfilms, "Release Shrek," it said.

"Yeetus deletus!" Jacksfilms yelled as teleported away from the danger. The creature quickly flew towards Shrek. It released him from his bonds and helped him up.

Shrek looked at the creature closely and realized who it was, "Barry B. Benson?" he said in disbelief.

Barry smiled, "I told you that I would repay you one day," he said.

Shrek looked around, "Where are we?"

Barry sighed, "You were kidnapped by NWord Mongers, those basturds. They have been trying to make people say the NWord ever since Herobrine defeated Minecraft. With no law and order they are basically free to do whatever they want."

Shrek clenched his fists, "Everything has fallen apart. We need to defeat Herobrine as quickly as possible."

Barry shook his head, "First we need to gather the 7 Memesters, your friends have already been busy searching for them. They went searching for you in Hell. Jacksfilms got to you before they could. Strangely enough I recall they went to Hell with Rick Grimes, however I did not see him with them when they arrived here."

"They came searching for me?" Shrek said in realization, "I thought that I would be left to rot." Before their conversation could continue banging was heard on the door.

Barry passed Shrek a Rocket Launcher as he cocked his gun, "Gear up Shrek, this is about to become a full blown shootout."


	12. Battle Against the NWord Mongers

"What in the name of Satan is this!" Rick Grimes yelled in anger, "I leave for a bathroom break and come back 5 goddamn seconds later and everyone is gone? This is clapped." Rick Grimes ate a taco in frustration.

He heard a voice from behind him, "Dad?"

Rick Grimes gasped, "Carl…" he whispered to himself before turning around. Out from the darkness came his son that he believed was dead for so long. "CARL!" he shouted in joyful anger. He ran up to Carl and grabbed him by the neck, "WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME CARL? WHY DID YOU LEAVE THE SHOW? IS IT BECAUSE IT WENT COMPLETELY DOWNHILL OR BECAUSE YOU-"

"Silence boomer," Carl Grimes said in a Walking Dead accent. Rick Grimes bowed down to his son. He removed his shirt and offered it to Carl. Carl looked down at him in shame, "You truly are pathetic father. I have been stuck down here for years and you never once came searching for me?"

Rick Grimes shed a single tear, "I thought you were gone forever!" he screamed in agony.

Carl Grimes shook his head, "The past is in the past. It is time for us to move forward and become stronger. We must go and save Shrek now." Carl grabbed Rick's ears and they were suddenly teleported into a massive jungle.

Rick Grimes suddenly snapped out of his depression, "Be careful Carl, there could be walkers walking," he said in his sexy voice.

Carl pulled out a hot pocket, "Let's go save Shrek." The two gamers walked through the jungle towards the NWord Mongers bunker. Back within the bunker, Shrek and Barry were preparing themselves for war. The door to the room that they were in was being bashed relentlessly by NWord Mongers.

Shrek gasped erotically, "How are we going to get out of here alive?"

Barry looked Shrek dead in the eyes, "Through sheer strength and masculinity." As the door burst open Barry opened fire on the goons that ran through. He mowed them down like a starved puppy finding a bag of rice.

Shrek screamed at the top of his lungs, "FOR HITLER!" The two memes ran out of the room and into a hallway. There were three more goons waiting for them with fully erect nipples. Shrek dabbed so hard that the entire hallway exploded killing all of them instantly.

"Catch this Shrek!" Barry screamed like a wingnut as he tossed Shrek a grenade. Shrek caught it and shoved it in his mouth before spitting it out like a cannonball. It flew to the end of the hallway and blew a massive hole in the wall. Shrek t pose down the hallway and yeeted through the hole. He landed in a massive room where around 269 goons were waiting.

"SAY THE N WORD!" they all yelled in unison. Shrek laughed and spun around in a circle while holding two Uzi's. All of the goons were mowed down in seconds as Barry flew down to Shrek.

"Barry-" Shrek was cut off by a massive bang coming from one side of the room. Both him and Barry turned around and saw a massive being standing there. "Holy Moly Macaroni!" Shrek yelled as he saw a massive Kayne West-like creature staring at him.

It spoke with pure malice in its voice, "Say the NWord, and you live to see another day."

Shrek clapped Barry, "JOE MOMA!" he shouted as he rushed into battle. In order to build suspense and tension we know cut to Kratos and the other gamers who were overtaking the base from the outside.

Cr1TiKaL snapped a NWord Monger's neck, "Where is Shrek?" he asked in worry.

Kratos ejaculated menacingly, "Probably deep within the facility," he said while eating NWord Mongers for breakfast. A massive explosion occurred within the middle of the facility.

"Holy son of satan!" Harry Potter yelled in Spanish.

"Oh my gosh! Is Shrek alright?" Pewdiepie said like a little girl.

"We must find him. NOW!" Kratos yelled causing many to die from overexposure to masculinity. Keanu, Pewdiepie, Kratos, Donald Trump, and Cr1TiKaL all ran through the front door of the facility. Inside there was a man standing over a dead body.

"So, you are the ones messing this whole thing up?" it asked. It turned around and revealed itself to be Obama.

"Obama?" Keanu asked in betrayal. Little did everyone else know, Keanu and Obama used to be great friends. After Minecraft was defeated, the two met and were forced into becoming friends in order to survive the many horrors. Together they formed a rather romantic relationship and became lovers. However, something horrific happened. Keanu saw Obama get eaten by a mysterious red figure and he never saw him again.

"Keanu, my friend, I know you are wanting answers, and I have them. You see, this world is not like it once was. The structure of society is gone. Hope, future for the human race, all of it has perished. Now are all chances of taking everything back by saying the NWord."

"NO!" Keanu yelled, "This is not the jedi way!"

Obama sighed, "You need to stop seeing things as they were, and rather as they are. Things we thought were bad in the past are not necessarily bad now. Your fundamental view of ethics must adapt to his new world. Please Keanu, realize that the world is no longer the way it was. The only hope for our future... is through the power of the NWord."

Everyone thought for a moment in silence. It was true, the world was not the same as it once was. No one wanted to truly accept it, but eventually they would have to. They were so caught in hoping that they could change the world back to the way it was, they forgot that maybe they would just have to change themselves to how the world is.

Keanu broke the silence, "Maybe he is right." Everyone gasped and turned to him, "No just think about it for a moment. The only reason people are afraid is the NWord is because most mortals who say it are unable to harness its power. But… maybe Shrek could change that. Maybe WE could change that. Maybe the only way to truly bring the world back… is by saying the NWord." before anyone could say anything else, something burst through the ceiling. Everyone's vision became blinded by a bright light before returning to normal.

"Is everyone alright?" Donald Trump asked. Everyone but one responded. They all turned to see Kratos falling over with 28 stab wounds in his chest.


	13. The Arrival of Herobrine

"Jumping Jiminys!" Shrek yelled as Giant Kayne slapped him across the face. Shrek backflipped and did an epic kick that threw Giant Kayne 200m in 5 seconds. Giant Kayne screamed in anger as it charged towards Shrek.

"SAY THE NWORD!" It yelled in anger.

"I will never submit to your demands!" Shrek yelled as he pulled out a grenade.

"Shrek!" Barry yelled, "It's not worth it!"

Shrek looked at Barry one last time, "Stay gold BeeBoy. Stay gold." The grenade exploded in Shrek's hand, seemingly killing Giant Kayne and Shrek instantly.

"NO!" Barry yelled as the blast impacted him so hard he was thrown into the MCU. "SHREK!" he screamed in agony.

"Yes?" Shrek asked standing above him.

Barry gasped in shock and arousal, "How did you-"

"Don't question it, we got walkers coming this way," Rick Grimes said as walkers began to surround them.

"Here take these," Carl Grimes said as he passed Shrek and Barry Diamond Minecraft Swords. The gamers began to slice walkers in half with ease. Shrek practiced his front flipping skills while Barry practiced the macarena. The Memers continued for a few minutes before suddenly being blinded by a bright light.

"WHAT IN THE NAME OF JEFFREY EPSTEIN?" Shrek said as he tried to regain eyesight.

"KRATOS!" a voice cried out from within the facility.

"What was that?" Barry asked in confusion.

Shrek rubbed his eyes, "We must find out quickly!" he said proceeding to sprint into the facility, leaving the others behind.

"Shrek slow- Oh come on," Barry said. Just before Barry and The Grimes could follow a sword was put around each of their throats.

"Move and you die, make a noise and you die," a menacing voice whispered in their ears. Shrek burst through the door into the main lobby where he saw Kratos laying on the ground with the gang surrounding him.

"NO!" Shrek screamed as he ran up to them.

"Shrek!" Cr1TiKaL said with tears streaming down his face.

Shrek looked around with fury, "WHO DID THIS?" he yelled.

"We don't know!" Donald shouted as he stared at his fallen comrade.

"Shrek... " a weak Kratos said, "You must save this world from the wrath of Herobrine without me…"

"No, don't say that. We are going to do this together," Shrek said as tears began to stream down his face.

"Shrek, my journey ends here. I have done everything that I needed to do. You have everything you need to stop this madness. The world as it once was is still here, the only thing needed is someone like you. Someone who is willing to put their life on the line in the service of others. Someone who refuses to give up even when all hope seems lost. The world needs you Shrek." Kratos began to cough up blood as he continued, "Go. Save this world. Free it from Herobrine. There is always a light in the dark, you just need to find it." Kratos kissed Shrek's cheek as he laid down and closed his eyes one last time.

"Kratos…" Shrek said in disbelief. He stood up as anger and sadness consumed him. His emotions were all over the place.

Cr1TiKaL walked up to Shrek, "Shrek, we"

"SHUT UP!" Shrek yelled as he stomped on the ground, "WHO DID THIS!" he yelled. He turned around and noticed Obama. "YOU," he said in anger, "THIS MUST HAVE BEEN YOU."

Obama shook his head, "Shrek think about this for a moment."

Shrek ignored Obama's pleas and approached him with his fists clenched, "You are a monster." He punched Obama so hard that Obama created a shockwave when his head hit the ground.

"Shrek stop!" Keanu yelled trying to calm the enraged ogre. Shrek paid no attention as he grabbed Obama by the neck and looked him dead in the eyes.

"Let's see how you feel when your life is taken from you." Before Shrek could do anything else a devilish laugh came from behind him. Everyone turned around to the front door where a mysterious figure walked in. His identity was masked by a black cloak that covered his body.

The mysterious figure chuckled as he said, "All of you really thought you could do anything? I have been planning this for centuries. I have been planning this since before you were born. This world is no longer the one it once was." The figure removed it's cloak to reveal it's glowing white eyes and blocky shape.

Cr1TiKaL gasped, "Herobrine…"

Herobrine smiled, "I am glad you recognize me. I am quite the celebrity these days."

Shrek breathed heavily as he attempted to keep himself from bursting with rage, "You are going to regret ever being born," he said as he slowly walked towards the menace.

"Shrek no!" Cr1TiKaL yelled as he stood in front of the ogre, "We can not hurt him! He is too powerful for us right now. Remember the plan? Find the memesters-"

"ONE OF THE MEMESTERS IS DEAD! YOU REALLY THINK THAT IS THE ONLY WAY? HOW ABOUT I SNAP THAT MOTHER DUCKERS NECK RIGHT HERE!"

Herobrine laughed, "Touch me and your friends will die."

"I will protect them," Shrek said in confidence.

"Oh really?" another voice said from behind them. They turned around to see Barry and The Grimes being held against their will with swords on their neck. Harry Potter was there using his magic to prevent them from escaping.

"Harry? NO!" Keanu said as he realized they had been betrayed.

"Why are you doing this?" Donald said in shock.

"Why? Because you idiots have treated me like trash ever since you invaded my castle. I give you a safe place to stay and the way you thank me is by letting me be humiliated and murdered over and over again? You guys seriously need to recheck your privilege."

"He is right," another voice said as a clicking noise was heard and Shrek turned around to see Pewdiepie holding a gun to his head. "Try anything and no one is getting out of here alive. Except for us of course," Pewdiepie said gesturing towards Herobrine, Harry Potter and himself.

"No…" Cr1TiKaL said in denial.

"Alright how about we just end it right here gentlemen," Herobrine suggested, "No point in wasting time with these wastes of oxygen."

Harry Potter nodded, "I am ready when you are."

"Please... " Cr1TiKaL pleaded, "Why are you doing this? We were friends!"

Pewdiepie and Harry laughed, "Good one."

"Alright gentlemen, on a count of three," Herobrine said. Keanu and Trump closed their eyes ready to accept defeat. Obama nearly had tears coming down his face. Shrek stared deep into Pewdiepie's eyes. Pewdiepie could see the anger, confusion, and sadness that radiated within him. "3."

Cr1TiKaL began to cry, "Don't."

"Carl…" Rick cried.

"2."

"Think about the good times please!" Keanu screamed.

"1-" a massive earthquake occured as bright lights began flashing everywhere.

"Shrek!" a voice called out as Shrek looked around in confusion, "Come quickly!" The ogre turned to see Jacksfilms standing in a dark hallway gesturing for it to come.

"We must go now!" Shrek said he helped Cr1TiKaL up and began to sprint towards the NWord Monger.


	14. The Great Escape

The earth cracked below Shrek's feet as he carried Cr1TiKaL through the wreckage of the NWord Mongers Facility. Shrek yeeted Cr1TiKaL at Jacksfilms who managed to catch him with his nipple. Shrek turned around and attempted to find the other gamers. "Rick, Keanu!" he shouted in a desperate attempt to save his lovers. Nuclear explosions were happening all over the place.

"Shrek!" someone cried out from the ruins. Shrek leaped into the air and landed next to Rick. He inhaled Rick into his pelvis before running towards Jacksfilms.

Once he got there he ejected Rick out and asked, "Where is Keanu?"

Cr1TiKaL grabbed Shrek's nipples and ripped them off, "He is over there!" he shouted, pointing towards a cloud of dust. Shrek activated his inner spartan rage and charged towards Keanu. Herobrine stepped in front of him causing Shrek to be purpulsed halfway across the galaxy.

"HEROBRINE!" he shouted in anger.

Herobrine chuckled, "What are you gonna do now big boy?" Shrek unzipped his pants and whipped out his elongated chocolate bar that he kept in his pants. Suddenly it transformed into a sword and Shrek charged once more.

"Shrek!" Cr1TiKaL screamed, "Do not engage in combat, it is not worth it."

Shrek stopped dead in his tracks and turned to face Cr1TiKaL, "We can't just leave Keanu behind like this!"

"We have no choice!" Shrek screamed in anger as he ran back towards Jacksfilms.

Jackfilms pulled out a phone and shouted, "Follow me you HIV eaters!" They all ran down a hallway and burst through a door that lead to an erotic looking room. They could hear Herobrine and the other losers charging towards them from behind. Jacksfilms turned towards a door on the left, "This way!" he screamed. The door led them to the outside where a massive truck was waiting for them.

"Hop in!" someone shouted from the inside. They jumped in and saw in the driver's seat. Without a second of hesitation took off down the road. A massive explosion was heard from behind them as The Herobrine Gang came out of the facility with a massive jeep that had miniguns attached to the sides.

"HOLY JESUS WAFFLES!" Donald Trump screamed as his fragile masculinity was shattered into nothingness. Cr1TiKaL promptly fondled his nipples in order to protect his moisture from being stolen.

"Here take this!" Jacksfilms said to Shrek as he passed him a rocket launcher. Shrek smiled as he jumped into the back of the truck with Jacksfilms and they began shooting rockets towards the jeep. Shrek managed to directly hit the front, causing a massive explosion to occur. "We got em!" Jacksfilms screamed. Just then the jeep reappeared from the smoke, untouched and unharmed.

"WHAT THE POODLE BALLS IS THIS JEEP MADE OF?" Shrek asked in disbelief. The jeep began to fire back at the gamers.

"Keep firing!" Jacksfilms said. Rocket after rocket did nothing to the jeep. The miniguns however, were destroying Jacksfilms truck every moment.

"I have an idea," Shrek said as he threw the rocket launcher onto the ground. He did a leap into the air, followed by a triple backflip alongside two t-poses before landing on the jeep. He punched Pewdiepie in the face and kicked Harry in the nostrils. Herobrine pulled out his sword and swung at Shrek, who managed to duck out of the way just in time. Harry Potter pulled out his wand and shouted, "Erectus Maxima!" Suddenly Shrek felt a disturbance in his pants similar to the one he felt all those years ago.

"NO!" Shrek shouted, but it was too late. His boner grew so large that it caused the jeep and Jacksfilms truck to fall over and everyone to fly out. It stretched across the universe and this time it did manage to enter the MCU. It took a moment for Shrek to regain his sense. Everything around him appeared destroyed due to the sheer force his boner hit the world with. The ground was cracked and no one else was around him.

"Cr1TiKaL, Jack, Rick!" he shouted trying to find his friends. He started to hear voices coming from up ahead. He limped towards them and found and Jackfilms trapped under their truck. He lifted the truck up with his pinkie and helped the two gamers up. "Where are the others?" he asked.

Jacksfilms coughed, "I saw them fly over this way, come quickly!" Jack led Shrek towards a ditch where the rest of the epics were laying. After helping them up Shrek looked around cautiously. It was pitch black due to them being stuck under his boner.

Shrek turned towards the gang, "We need to find a way out from here and onto my boner, Herobrine and those other two failures of life are surely waiting for us somewhere. The gang silently made their way through the darkness, turning their heads towards any sound that they heard. Eventually they reached a small opening which led them out from under the boner.

Cr1TiKaL screamed so loud that Hitler was resurrected, "WE DID IT BOYS!" Just then Herobrine grabbed on Cr1TiKaL and slammed him into the ground like Gordon Ramsay smashing a plate over his slaves head. Shrek leaped at Herobrine and kicked him in the face. Herobrine took a few steps back in pain.

"This way!" Jack screamed as he was climbing up the boner. Everyone followed and they all made their way onto Shrek's boner.

"Shrek, you have been here before, where do we go?" Rick asked.

Shrek took a moment to see where they were on his boner. He saw the familiar sight on The Moist Mans hut and quickly guided everyone to it. Herobrine just managed to get on the boner and was sniffing for them. Everyone stayed silent as they hid in the hut. They heard a voice from outside, "We lost them!"

"It doesn't matter that we lost them, we got one of their own. Sooner or later they will have to come and save him, after all he is one of the original memesters they were searching for." The voices from outside soon stopped and there was nothing but silence.

They all got out of the hut and Shrek was asked, "What do we do now?" Shrek stared at the long neverending pathway that was his boner. He reflected on Donkey's words when the two were travelling along the boner themselves. An idea popped into his mind.

He turned to face the group, "Whatever lies at the end of this boner is the answer to all our problems. Whatever that answer is, I do not know. What I do know is that Donkey told me this was their way. Donkey was the smartest gay creature that I ever knew. If anyone knows a way to fix things, it is him. Even if he is not here with us anymore. But be warned, this adventure will not be easy. When I was here, I was attacked by an Evil Gordon Ramsay, my old friend turned enemy Mario, and Herobrine. So if you want to turn back, I advise you do so now." Everyone stood in silence for a moment as they stared at the ogre.

Cr1TiKaL walked up to Shrek, "We are your friends Shrek, till the end. Saving the earth is something that you can't just do on your own. We will be there for you, even if you were gone, we would… we will keep going in your name." The two gamers bro hugged and smiled at each other.

"What about Keanu?" Rick asked worriedly for his lover.

"What about Carl?" Donald asked because everyone else forgot about him.

Shrek looked down and nodded, "They will be fine, Herobrine wouldn't kill them. If he did, we would have no reason to go to them. They think that because they have them we will have an urge to attack and we need to keep it that way."

"How?"

Shrek sighed, "I am not sure right now, let us get some rest in this house, we will make our plans tomorrow." They all walked into The Moist Man's house to get some well needed rest. All of them were anxious, worried and uncertain of what was to come next.


	15. Back to the Boner

"Mario…" the voice repeated in Shrek's head, "You need to find Mario." Shrek tossed and turned in his sleep.

"NO!" Shrek screamed, "He betrayed me, tried to kill me. Why would I ever want to see him again?"

"You must find him Shrek, he is a key piece in the puzzle, without him you will never solve it."

Shrek clenched his fists, "What puzzle? He isn't an original memester. I know the memesters better than anyone else here!"

Faint laughter was heard around him, "You are naive Shrek, one day you will see the truth, until then you will always be lost." Shrek jolted out from his bed, taking deep breaths as he processed what he had just experienced. The air around him was cold, his vision was obscured by the darkness. He took a deep breath as he stood up and rubbed his hands along his face up to his swole head.

"Shrek?" a voice quietly whispered from behind him. Shrek ignored it and walked towards the door, opening it quietly as he stepped outside into the cold air. He stared down the pathway of his boner. The moon lit up the night sky brighter than usual. It made Shrek feel peace within him. His moment of meditation was broken when he heard the door creak behind him. He turned around to see Cr1TiKaL, looking drowsier than ever, staring at Shrek with a confused look.

He wiped his eyes, "What are you doing Shrek?" he asked.

Shrek sighed, "I have been hearing these voices in my head…"

"Like schizophrenia?"

"Let me finish wingnut, I have been hearing these voices in my head ever since I fell into the Abyss of Hell. They keep telling me to find Mario. They keep saying it is the key to the puzzle."

"What puzzle?"

"That is what I have been trying to figure out. If anything, my guess would be he is needed to stop Herobrine."

"Shrek," Cr1TiKaL said in a serious tone, "The Abyss of Hell does things to the minds that lay within it. It taunts them with memories of their paths that they tried to repent. I am sure what they are saying is nonsense."

Shrek looked up at the moon, pondering on what his next move should be, "Cr1TiKaL, I know what that place does, but this… this is different. The voices sound so familiar, they are strangely soothing. I never heard them taunt me. I need to go back to the place where it all started, Shrek and Mario's Spaghettiria."

Cr1TiKaL gasped upon hearing that name, "Back there? That is so far from here, Shrek you would never make it alone I-"

"Cr1TiKaL," Shrek began to say, "You have to stay here. You can't stop me from going. You need to lead the rest of us. We are the only hope in stopping Herobrine now. Keep a keen eye on everyone, trust nobody but yourself and the group. Make sure you trick Herobrine into thinking you are coming for Keanu." Shrek said nothing more as he walked down the boner and leaped off. Cr1TiKaL watched in shock as he processed what just happened.

He entered the hut once more and went back to his bed, slowly drifting back into the dreamland. He awoke once more to sunlight pouring into the room. Everyone was starting to wake up and notice that Shrek was missing.

"Where is Shrek?" Jack asked out loud as he looked around.

"Maybe he went to the bathroom or something?" Rick asked as he stroked a tic-tac container.

"We are standing on his boner! He is pissed right now and we wouldn't be able to tell!" Jack shouted in frustration.

Cr1TiKaL cleared his throat, "He left."

Everyone turned to face Cr1TiKaL with the same look, "WHAT!" they shouted.

Cr1TiKaL sighed, "Last night he told me that he needed to find Mario. He wouldn't let me stop him, nor would he let anyone else come with him. He just left without saying much more other than he is going back to his Spaghettiria."

Everyone gasped as they looked at eachother with concern, confusion and anger, "He is just abandoning us like this? What happened to staying as a group?" Jack asked, frustration growing with every passing moment.

"We need to go after him right now," Rick stated. Everyone was talking and bantering while Cr1TiKaL stood there watching it all go down. Something within him was speaking to him, telling him to step up, telling him to become a leader.

He cleared his throat once more and shouted, "Enough!" Everyone looked at him with surprised pikachu faces, "We need to stop arguing and focus on the task at hand." Cr1TiKaL stood up with confidence, "If we go after Shrek, we are lowering our chances of victory. Whether or not it was a selfish move on his part doesn't matter. We aren't just subjects of him, we are individuals. We all have our own goals and desires. But, we all have one thing in common, to defeat Herobrine. Shrek said that he believed Mario was a missing piece in the puzzle, a puzzle that has no clear solution. We, however, have a puzzle that we know the solution to. We need to find the memesters, that is our purpose. So we either commit to it, or the world stays like this forever."

There was a short period of silence as everyone thought about what they had heard. Then Jack spoke up, "He is right. I may share a different perspective on life than all of you. I tried to make Shrek say the nword, and I realize now that… it wasn't right. Just because I think the nword should be said doesn't mean forcing others to say it is right. But I know one thing that is right. Setting this world back to the way it once was, and I think all of you believe that to, right?" They all nodded at him.

Rick stepped up in front of everyone, "I have seen the world fall many times. I lived through the zom- walker apocalypse and saw many great people fall. Back then I never had a chance to save everyone, to set things back to the way they once were, but now I do. I have a son who I need to protect. His fragile mind isn't ready for all this. We can't give up just because Shrek is gone."

Donald placed a podium in front of him as a camera came down and recorded his speech, "My fellow Americans, it is with great pleasure that I, Donald J Trump, declare that I will be helping in the saving of this world. I know things are rough for everyone, but they will get better. That is because of people like me, and the other fine gentlemen here with me today. We will save this world, even if that means we lose our own lives in the process." Cheering could be heard throughout the streets of America as Donald bowed and nodded at the appreciation.

Cr1TiKaL smiled, "Well gentlemen, let's get going then." They all stepped outside, walking towards the rising sun along the boner.


	16. Five Nights at Shrek and Mario's Spaghet

Shrek slashed his way through the thick jungle leaves. He was moving at a quick pace, determined to get back to his boner and friends as soon as he possibly could. Eventually he reached an opening. He found a small circle, clearly not made by nature, but rather by man. It appeared to be some kind of cultish ritual circle. There was a small button sitting on a tree. Shrek walked over to it and read a sign next to it, "Property of Herobrine," it said. Shrek gasped and took a few steps back, checking over his shoulder to make sure no one else was around.

Once he was sure the coast was clear, he pressed the button. The world around him began to shift and change. Suddenly, a portal appeared in the direct center of the circle. Shrek gazed into it, thinking about what could be on the other end. He took a deep breath and leaped into it. He felt his entire body split apart before instantly merging back together. He was standing in a long hallway with several other portals laid throughout. Each of them had different labels on them ranging from entire cities to very specific locations.

"We are never going to be able to find them there!" Shrek heard someone shout. He quickly searched around for a hiding spot, settling on a small hamster that was sitting on a teaspoon. "I swear to god we spent all this time making these portals and you have to go and bring Shrek's boner back!"

"Well it saved our lives did it not!" another voice debated.

"There were plenty of other ways we could have got out of that situation."

Suddenly a door burst open, revealing Pewdiepie and Harry Potter walking together, "I think you just make sure to not act so fast next time, arlight?" Pewdiepie said.

Harry Potter nodded, "Fine."

Pewdiepie smiled, "Great, now all we have to do is track them down. You made a portal near the boner right?"

Harry Potter slapped Pewdiepie in the rear, "Of course I did buddy." The two then walked towards the portal which Shrek had entered through and left. The entire place became silent as Shrek emerged from his hiding spot. He walked down the hallway reading each and every label. Some of them frightened him, "NWord Monger Base. Abyss of Hell, Camden Town. But worst and most frightening of all, "Hogwarts." Suddenly Shrek had an epiphany, everyone else who wasn't at the NWord Monger facility still trusted Pewdiepie and Harry Potter. He walked up to the portal, ready to inform everyone of the betrayal, but was stopped when he heard footsteps.

Shrek transformed his body into a small pebble and hid on the ground. Coming through the same entrance that Harry Potter and Pewdiepie walked through was Herobrine. His white glowing eyes squinted suspiciously before he shut the door and was heard walking away. Shrek transformed back into his regular shape and walked back towards the Hogwarts portal. He stopped as eye's scanned another portal next to him. "Shrek and Mario's Spaghetteria," it read. Shrek had to make a decision right then and there; warn everyone at Hogwarts, or follow the voices in his head? Shrek pondered on it for a moment before deciding to go to the Spaghetteria. He figured that Harry and Pewdiepie wouldn't be returning to the castle anytime soon.

He yeeted himself through the portal and arrived at the front entrance of the Spaghetteria. The sky was black and raindrops were beginning to fall from the sky. From the outside it looked ancient, vines growing on the walls, cracks and pineapples laying everywhere. The windows were impossible to see through due to the amount of dust that covered them. Shrek felt his eyes tear up as the memories came flooding back like a girl's right eyebrow when they saw Minecraft Steve. Shrek walked up to the front entrance and pushed the door open. It was pitchblack inside. He pulled a flashlight out from his mouth and turned it on. The place was ransacked. All of the tables were flipped over, clothes and various other items and accessories were stolen. Shrek cracked his own spine in anger that someone could have done this to his place.

He walked down to a door that sat in the corner of the lobby. There was a sign on it that read, 'Shrek and Mario only." He pushed the door open and stepped into an empty hallway. Once he reached the end of it there was another door that led to an office. It had cameras monitoring the entire place, of course they were none functional. On the wall sat a lone switch, a small sign next to it stating it was for power. Shrek pulled it, not expecting much, but was shocked when the lights suddenly turned on. He condensed the flashlight into a small penguin, threw it into a birdcage, and proceeded to start singing, "Skyfall," by Adele. Shrek sat down in the chair and was shocked to see a piece of paper with writing on it attached to a screen.

He put on his glasses and began to read to the paper in his head, "Dear Shrek," it read. "I know that you are still angry at me and that I did something unforgivable, but know this my old friend. I never gave up on this place. I allowed for you to keep the revenue that came from here, I allowed for you to roam free without any work and make more money than Pewdiepie. However, something happened that made me reconsider what I was doing. I got a letter from someone refusing to give their identity. They called themselves, 'The Watcher.' Now, I do not know who this is. I searched the internet and all I could find was two gay lovers named Shane and Ryan talking about some guy named The Watcher who stalked this house. I highly doubt they are the same person. Anyways, this person, or creature, told me that I have to go and find you. The thing is they knew information that no one should have known aside from me and you. So either you told them, or they know something that I do not. So I am following their orders. When I find you, remember that I do not want to harm you. If for some reason I do something that is harmful in any way, it WASN'T me. If you are currently reading this letter it means that I failed to get to you…" Shrek gasped as he finished the sentence. He looked up and scanned the place around him as he felt a strange presence emanate within the room.

He rubbed his face with his hand as prepared to take in the rest of the letter, "I am planning on coming back here once the deed is done and returning to business as usual. If I do for some reason go missing, I need to do something for me. Every year, on April 20th, I must spend five nights here watching these cameras. There are creatures that come out of the Shadow Realm in order to feed on the souls of the living. If they are not dealt with, I sense that the world may begin to slowly fall into darkness. All you need to do is ensure they do not make it into this office. If they open the door and see you, you must hide your face in any way possible. Make sure you turn off the lights as well. You can move them away from you by playing a sound in a certain room. If they are close enough, they should wander over to that room." Shrek heard a strange moan from the monitor. He stared into camera 3, which watched the back entrance, and saw a strange figure approaching the window.

Shrek turned back to the note, trying to read it as quickly as possible, "There are five different figures to deal with. First one, the 'dumbest' one, is Original Paramount Sonic Design. It moves fast, but is easily fooled by sounds. It also takes a long time to process what it is staring at, so if it does get to the office, you have a lot of time to react. Oh right, the light switch is under the desk so you have quick access. I also put a mask in the drawer to the left side of the desk. Next you have Surprised Pikachu. When you play a sound, it will get surprised and run in the opposite direction of that sound. Remember that. If it gets to your office and you don't have a mask, it will get surprised and run away, sending another creature directly to you. Be prepared in case it sends the next one, Minecraft Creeper. Minecraft Creeper moves very slowly, but silently. It tends to hide out of range of the cameras. Since they are automated and turn on their own, you may not notice Creeper hiding somewhere. Make sure that you pay attention to that. If it gets to you, it will begin to charge up and give you a limited amount of time to put on a mask. Also make sure that you keep the lights on when it arrives otherwise it might charge up even if you have a mask."

Shrek mentally cleared his throat, "You then have Paul Blart: Mall Cop. No not the real one. He is a perfect clone, only evil. He understands how the security system works. If you look at him in the camera for too long, he will disable it temporarily. Sounds still work on him just fine. He also dislikes Minecraft Creeper and will not be in the same room as him. He rarely seems to go for the office, but in the off chance he does, I assume the mask will work just fine. Finally you have Mama Luigi. Probably the most frightening of them all. He can disguise himself as any of the other four, however you might notice they look a little different. I will explain it later since he does not seem to appear until night 3. A few more things to mention, you can't turn the light on or off when the mask is on. The mask doesn't work on Paul Blart, it will just make him attack. You must have the lights off for him. There are a few more things but for now I think you will be fine. Just remember you can leave at any point after 6 am, but return before 12 am and make sure you are in the office at exactly 12 am. I programmed this paper to change every night so make sure you memorize this. Good luck Shrek."

Shrek took a deep breath as he processed everything that he had just read. He heard a loud bang at the backdoor. It flew open and Paul Blart came through it on a segway. As Shrek stared at him through the monitor, Paul Blart slowly turned towards the camera. His mouth began to open wider than humanly possible and emitting a loud screeching noise. Shrek quickly changed the camera to camera 1, the dining room. He saw Original Paramount Sonic Design, or OPD Sonic for short. He was moving quickly towards a hallway. Shrek switched the camera over to camera 2, main hallway. It connected the entire place together. There were two smaller hallways attached to it. One of them led to a backroom and another led to Shrek's office. He switched over to camera 6, the backroom, where Surprised Pikachu was standing.

He played a noise to test it and Surprised Pikachu ran out of the room while OPD Sonic came rushing in. When he switched back to the main hallway he saw Paul Blart had wandered into it alongside Surprised Pikachu. Suddenly, Surprised Pikachu moved into the office hallway on camera 4. Shrek played a noise trying to get him to run the other way, but it only made him move onto camera 5, office entrance. Surprised, Pikachu was at the opposite side of his door. Shrek turned off the lights and put on the mask, which resembled Luigi. Surprised Pikachu burst through the door, turning its head side to side before closing it and leaving. He returned to the backroom as Shrek turned on the lights and pulled off his mask. The creatures appeared to be moving rather slow. He continued to lure them away until an alarm went off as a clock read, "6 am." The creatures left the building one by one and disappeared.

Shrek took a deep breath as he leaned back in his chair. He didn't know what was going on and wanted answers. He had several hours to do what he wanted, so he stood up, opened the office door, and walked down the hallway. He made it into the dining area where he exited the building to see a gray sky that was clearing into sunlight. Shrek sat down on the sidewalk, pulled a pizza roll from his sleeve and began to much down, preparing himself for a long day, and night.


	17. The Search for Mario

Shrek had no idea what to think anymore. Everything was happening so fast. A few hours ago he believed that Mario had tried to kill him, betray him. Now he found out the truth. His mind was racing, his inner voices shrouding his thinking. He started to question everything. His life, his path, his friends, his enemies, everything. Was any of it actually real? Was it all just a fabricated reality that he was forced into? He took a deep breath as he tried to release his emotions, clear his thoughts. He knew what he had to do next. He needed to find Mario.

The best place he could think of was at wherever he was when he saw Herobrine and his goons. If anything, Mario would have been held captive there. He checked a random watch that he found in the middle of the street, surely he had enough time to make it back by midnight. Shrek absorbed the oxygen around him and exhaled carbon dioxide. He leaped into the air and landed on the portal that Harry Potter had created. He warped back to the portal room and quickly transformed into a raccoon. Shrecoon quietly made his way to the door that he saw Herobrine close.

Once he stepped into the hallway, he realized that wherever he was it must've been some kind of castle. The ground was covered in a red carpet, cheetos were scattered across the ground. The windows looked strikingly similar to the ones in Hogwarts. As Shrecoon's paws were pittering across the carpet, he heard a strange noise come from behind him. He froze before silently turning around. Standing behind him was a massive creature. He instantly recognized it when he noticed the scientology uniform he was wearing, it was Tom Cruise.

"How did you get into the castle little fella?" asked Tom Cruise.

Shrecoon screamed like a raccoon and started to run away. Tom Cruise being Tom Cruise managed to catch up to him in no time. He grabbed Shrecoon and lifted him into the air.

"Do not be afraid little one, I will take you to safety," Tom Cruise reassured.

Shrecoon tried to escape but was stopped by the sheer strength of Tom Cruise's grasp. As he was being carried down the hallway he made sure that he inspected every aspect of the castle. He noted several rooms that could contain weapons or people, he saw what looked to be a massive replica of his Spaghettria. What was Herobrine planning exactly? Tom Cruise brought Shrek to the reception.

"Look what I found scurrying down the hall," Tom Cruise said to the receptionist.

The receptionist looked up, his eyes appearing as if they hadn't got sleep in days. Shrecoon gasped as he realized who he was staring at, Pyrocynical.

"So are we keeping it as a pet or throwing it outside?" he asked.

Tom Cruise placed Shrecoon down on the desk where Pyro sat. He tried to run away, but Tom Cruise held him down.

"This one is quite the fighter, we could put him in the training camp for pets and other animals," suggested Tom.

Pyrocynical didn't really care.

"Sure whatever."

Tom Cruise smiled and gently lifted Shrecoon back into his arms. He brought him down a different hallway and into a small room. The room was filled with cages containing several different animals. Including but not limited to: Foxes, snakes, bats, parakeets, pink fairy armadillos, and many more. Shrecoon was brought into another room that contained several racoons.

"Here you go little buddy, make some new friends," Tom Cruise said in glee. Shrecoon tried to escape once more as he saw the racoons staring at him. "Aww is someone shy? Don't worry they are very friendly," Tom Cruise reassured.

Once Shrecoon was placed down Tom Cruise ran back to the door and shut it. Shrecoon was stuck. He gulped as he scanned the eyes that watched him. Eventually one of the racoons walked up to him and held out their paw.

"My name is Hellbender, who are you?"

Shrecoon nearly asked him what the actual hell his name was, but held himself back.

"Shrek, I am not a racoon! I need to get out of here!"

Hellbender laughed and said, "Not the first time we heard that one am I right bois?"

All the other racoons laughed.

"Don't worry Shrek, we all wish we weren't here. But really, it isn't that bad. Better than running away from those damn walkers let me tell you." Hellbender did a triple backflip before saying, "Our trainer will be coming any moment now, I am sure he will be happy to meet you."

Just then they heard someone call out from the other room.

"Itsa time for your training!"

Shrecoon went wide eyed as he recognized the voice. It couldn't be… The door open and standing there was Mario, with a strange metal object wrapped around his ankle.

"Hello!" Mario yelled in a Mario accent.

The racoons began t-posing around Mario. Hellbender nudged Shrek.

"Come on bro, this is how we greet people."

Shrecoon wanted to commit no longer alive, but figured he would go along for now. Mario laughed as he saw them t-posing.

"I see you are all doing well today." He shifted his attention onto Shrecoon. "We also seem to have a new member of the Raccoon Gang." Mario bent down and looked at Shrecoon in the eyes. "You seem familiar?"

"Mario, it's me Shrek! We need to get out of here?"

The only thing that Mario heard was strange racoon noises.

"Is he yelling at me?" Mario asked the other racoons. Hellbender shrugged. "Well anyway," Mario said as he stood back up. "We should get to training now."

All the racoons began chatting with each other as they walked out of the room. Hellbender walked up to Shrecoon.

"Come on man, we gotta get moving."

Shrecoon sighed as he wondered what the hell this story had just evolved or devolved into. He levitated about the ground and started to hover out of the room. He could see the jealousy in the other animals eyes from their cages. Clearly the Raccoon Gang got way more attention than any other animal gang. They continued out of the room and down a hallway. Eventually they reached a massive door that Mario dabbed in front of. The door opened up revealing a large courtyard, filled with statutes of Herobrine.

"Alright, you all have fifteen minutes of play time, enjoy yourself!" Mario yelled.

All the racoons aside from Hellbender and Shrecoon started to run all over the place. They climbed onto trees and ate chicken nuggets.

"Come on Shrek!" Hellbender yelled as he started to run around.

Shrecoon stood there, wondering why he even bothered existing anymore. He tried his hardest to transform back into his mighty ogre form. Something was holding him back. He looked up to a walkway and saw Harry Potter standing there. He was watching the racoons and squinting at them suspiciously. He knew that something fishy was going on. Shrecoon realized that if he didn't act like a racoon he would be identified. He started to run around, trying to figure out a plan to escape.


	18. Train to Hell

"We've been walking for hours," Rick Grimes cried in a Rick Grimes accent.

Cr1TiKaL slapped him across the face.

"Shush boomer."

Rick Grimes kept his mouth shut from that moment on. They had truly been walking for hours. They had seen many things on Shrek's Boner, a giant tsunami almost drowned them, they were attacked by an army of robot exobits. Everything seemed to be working against them. After walking along the boner for a little longer, they found a peculiar looking train station situated just to the side of the elongated schlong.

"What in tarnation is this?" Rick Grimes asked as he pulled out his revolver and shot Donald Trump in the neck.

Suddenly out from nowhere, a ghostly looking train came zooming along the tracks. It came to a screeching halt right in front of them. The window opened up and revealed a green alien looking thing. Suddenly Cr1TiKaL did a quadruple backflip as he realized who he was staring at.

"It is Dame Tu Cosita!" he screamed in agony.

Cosita laughed and said, "Why of course it is I, have you heard of the legendary Train of Bonertopia?"

"What in the name of Satan is that?" asked.

Cosita laughed once more and said, "Hold on a second."

He pulled out a strange sphere shaped so succinctly that it was smoother than the Earth if it were reduced to the size of a billiard ball. It was the summoning key. Suddenly every character that happened to be mentioned in a previous chapter, but was forgotten because there were too many characters to remember, were absorbed into it. Only Cr1TiKaL, Jacksfilms, Donald Trump, Rick Grimes and were left.

"Arrrr… What was the meaning of that?" asked ANGRILY.

"Well you see, I figured that I might as well do a good deed for today. That was my good deed, now it is your turn."

Jacksfilms suddenly was teleported back in time after hearing that line. He was brought back to Mar 8, 2013. He was standing in a black hallway where two muscular men were harassing another man to kill a criminal.

"SMOSH!" Jack screamed at the top of his lungs.

Ian and Anythony turned around, gayly.

"Who the ducking clucken bell are you?" they asked in unison.

"I come from the future. You need to come with me!"

They shrugged and said, "I don't see why not."

The three gangsters were teleported back to present time. The second Anthony saw he transformed into a werewolf and ripped him apart before becoming normal. Cr1TiKaL slapped Anthony across the face.

"What the duck was that for?"

Anthony wiped the krab juice off his forehead.

"He was a faker, a con man. Just like Sammy Jankis."

Cr1TiKaL smiled.

"Alright sounds good enough to me."

Jacksfilms glared at Anthony ruining what he believed to be the true .

"Oi you harliots!" Dame Tu Cosita shouted. "Get on the damn train you bloody wankers!"

Everyone happily walked onto the magic school train. On the inside were a bunch of passengers who each wore the same clothes. They were wearing thick robes that concealed their identities. The gamers all sat down in the same row. They heard Costia broadcast a message to them.

"Alright laddies, it is time to go. Next stop, the end of Shrek's long breadstick."

The train propelled itself forward at a velocity of 6000 m/s. It felt perfectly normal in the train though. Jack leaned his head onto Ian's shoulder.

"I am taking a rest," he stated in a masculine accent.

Ian rubbed his head along Jacks and said in a kawaii voice, "Alright."

Everyone else rested their heads back and tried to get some shut eye, except for Cr1TiKaL. He felt that there was something off with the whole situation. He had grown more vigilante after Shrek's final message to him. Then something dawned upon him. Shrek had told him to trust no one else aside from the group. The train started to shake violently. All of the other passengers started to do some strange chant. The sleeping gamers were woken from their slumber.

"What is going on here?" Donald Trump asked.

"It's an ambush!" Cr1TiKaL warned.

The robed figures all stood up and revealed themselves. Demons. Cr1TiKaL pulled out several lightsabers from his adrenal glands. He passed them to the gamers and they all braced themselves for a fight. The demons pulled out weapons of their own, spray on shoes. Not the real Spray on Shoes of course, but rather fake replica ones. They were powerful, but not as powerful as the real one. They started to spray the spray at the gamers. Since all of the gamers were trained in the force, they blocked the attack with ease. Soon demons started falling to the ground like they were singing Ring Around the Rosie.

"Get to Dame Tu Cosita!" Cr1TiKaL ordered.

"Alright chief," Jack replied.

They battled their way to the front of the train. They entered whatever the name of the front of the train is. Dame Tu Cosita was standing there with a demonic look.

"Insolent fools," he ejaculated.

"Wait a minute," Cr1TiKaL paused. He thought about what Dame had said for a moment. "No… it can not be."

Dame laughed as he pulled off… her mask! Underneath the alien head was revealed to be none other than Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way.

"I coem back for my revange!" she screamed. "I will taek u al to hell, where u will b mai savlse!"

Just then a man crashed in through the roof of the train and crushed Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way. She was immediately killed. The man looked up and smiled at the gang.

"Hello there!" he said.

"General Kenobi…" Cr1TiKaL gasped.

"Do not fear, Kenobi is here!" Kenobi yelled as he used the force to lift everyone out of the train and back onto Shrek's REDACTED. Cr1TiKaL let out a laugh of relief.

"We are safe lads."

"Yeah…" Jack said as he rubbed his pelvis. "But what are we going to do now?"

Cr1TiKaL stared off into the sunset. That powerful feeling of leadership hit him once more.

"We are going to reach the end of this boner. No matter how long it takes, no matter what we find along the way, we will make it." He turned around and faced the crowd. General Kenobi had to leave for a Jedi meeting. "I believe… No, I know that the solution to our problems lay at the end of it. I-"

He was cut off by the shouts of his comrades.

"Look out!" they screamed while pointing behind him.

He turned around to see a rocket ship coming towards them at a rapid speed. They leaped out of the way as it crashed down. Out from it stepped a small semi human looking creature. Cr1TiKaL stared at it with wide eyes.

"Captain Olimar?"


	19. Friend Reunited

Shrek was not used to being a Shrecoon. It had been a long time since he was. Funnily enough, Shrek always wanted to own a pet racoon. One time he was watching an early preview for Shrek the Halls when suddenly a commercial for racoon masks came on the TV. He said to himself that a pet racoon would be cool.

None of that really mattered anymore. He was in quite the predicament. He needed to find a way to escape. Not only that, he needed to find a way to make Mario realize who he was. Using his superior intellect, he managed to spot a weakness in the castle. There was a small button located on one of the Herobrine statutes labeled 'Detonate'. Shrecoon used his telekinesis to figure out that the button was connected to a bunch of explosives capable of destroying the courtyard.

He quickly inspected his surroundings, ensuring that the coast was clear. Harry Potter was watching another racoon at the moment. He took the opportunity to run behind the statue. Using his epic paws he grasped onto the statue and pulled himself up inch by inch. It required a great amount of strength and, of course, masculinity to pull himself up all the way. However, due to his sheer raccogre power, he managed to do so with less than a millisecond.

Upon reaching the top he inspected the courtyard down below. There was now an ethical debate going on inside of his head. If he were to detonate the explosives then it could give him a way to escape, but it would come at the cost of many Raccoon Gang lives. Before he could come up with the most ethical answer, he heard a shout directed at him.

"ONE OF THE RACCOONS IS TRYING TO ESCAPE!"

It was Harry Potter. Shrecoon desperately looked around him for some alternate form of escape, but there was none. He had no choice.

"DO NOT LET HIM PRESS THE BUTTON!"

He saw Mario running into the courtyard with a tranquilizer in hand. With no other option he placed his paw on the button, hesitated for a moment, then pushed down with full force. A sub-atomic explosion completely obliterated the courtyard and everything within it. Shrecoon was thrust into the air at a speed that could rival that of that random rocket car in Rat Race. He saw all of the other raccoons flying out towards the wild. He and Mario were only thrown straight upwards.

Looking down he saw a black void that was awaiting their arrival. He screamed as they plummeted towards it. Shrecoon closed his eyes and embraced his fate. Within a matter of seconds the darkness consumed Him and Mario. They were sadly no more. Fortunately, all of the other raccoons survived and returned to their families.

"WHAT JUST HAPPENED?" an angry Herobrine shrieked as he inspected the damages.

Harry Potter climbed back onto his feet and cleaned his spectacles. "It would appear that we lost the Raccoon Gang… and Mario."

Herobrine walked up to him with thunder in his steps. He pulled out a sword from the Shadow Realm and pointed it at his throat. "Why didn't you stop that creature before it pressed the button?" he growled.

"I…" Harry could not think of an excuse that did not reflect his inabilities.

Herobrine pulled the sword away and swung it against a pillar in anger. "THOSE WERE MORE THAN JUST SOME WILD CREATURES! THEY WERE HOPE FOR THE FUTURE! And Mario… he was a great man…" Herobrine shook his head and turned back to Harry. "Fix this mess, you have an hour, five minutes, and six seconds." He turned around, "Perhaps we could find some survivors," he mustered before walking away.

Harry Potter stood there and processed everything that had just occurred. "What have we done…"

Meanwhile, right underneath the floors that they stood, was a dark realm. No, not the Shadow Realm, something far more sinister. A realm made of pure darkness, the Abyss of Hell. Lost within it were two souls, both of which were long lost friends.

Shrek was still within his Shrecoon form. He had lost the power to transform back into his true self. He was heavily wounded from the explosion. He slowly opened his eyes and saw Mario sitting there in front of him. "Mario…" he muttered before closing his eyes once more.

"What?" he heard.

"I know you don't understand me, but… it's me…"

"I understand you…"

Shrecoon opened his eyes once more, a jolt of energy had struck him. "You do?"

"Yes… who are you?"

"Shrek."

Mario stood up and took a few steps back. "What?" he asked in shock and disbelief.

"I returned to the Pizzeria and saw your message. I did what you asked, but after that I came to find you. I had to transform into a raccoon in order to hide my identity, but it is me."

Mario thought through everything he had heard. He needed to ensure that it was indeed the ogre that he lost so many years ago. He clearly had knowledge of the Pizzeria, but then again, so could anyone who wanted to impersonate Shrek.

"Wait… you are the raccoon that pressed the button… maybe it really is you?" He thought of a question that only the true Shrek could know. "How did you beat me in the Tim Hortons?"

"I… made you fall into your own trap. I forged your signature and… sent you to Meme Heaven." Shrecoon coughed as he tried to stand up. His legs failed him and he collapsed back onto the ground.

Mario stared down at his defeated friend, recollection flashing in his eyes. His head was going wild with the memories he had of him and Shrek. Even though he found it hard to trust the Raccoon, there was something about him that made Mario believe.

"Just give up on me…"

The words touched the deepest part of Mario's soul. He felt tears forming in his eyes. It was at that moment he realized that it was truly the ogre he had known for so long. Now, Shrek needed his help.

"Friendship… true friendship, it is never over," Mario stated. "It may be lost, but it can be found again. If the friendship truly ended, it was never real to begin with. You and I, we may have our differences. We may have fought, gone down different paths, but one thing about us is the same. We are friends. And I will never give up on you."

Mario grabbed Shrecoons weak body as angelic wings sprouted from his back. He began to ascend into the air. Shrecoon slowly opened his eyes and stared at Mario.

"How… How are you doing this? Only an angel can…"

An angelic smile formed on Mario's face. "There are a lot of things about me that you have yet to learn."

For the first time since the Great Defeat, Shrek felt at peace. He closed his eyes, not out of the belief that he was at death's door, but because he felt at peace. The two friends broke through Hell's Barrier, past the Castle of Herobrine, and flew back towards the Boner.


End file.
